Why it matters

The retired partners of KPMG who are still awaiting their gratuity and pension cast all other considerations aside to host an “Investment Summit – Africa (and Especially Nigeria)” at Mosimann, a private dining club located at West Halkin Street, Belgravia, London. It is no secret that Anton Mosimann is Her Majesty The Queen’s favourite chef. He was entrusted with feeding the 750 jubilee feast guests at Westminster Hall last Monday.

The morning session was dynamite and we had every reason to believe that before the day was over, we would hit our target of attracting at least U.S.1 trillion dollars fresh investment into the continent of Africa (out of which Nigeria would be entitled to “eshakole” i.e. ten per cent customary facilitation fee).

As usual the lunch was something between the sublime and the superlative. Even the most fastidious amongst us scored it excellent. Anyway, after lunch it was the turn of our guests (the hedge fund managers, private equity capitalists, super tycoons, oil magnates, Sheiksetc) to respond. Then came the bombshells and improvised explosive devices [IED’s]. Sample:

• Terror Alert: [Breaking News on CNN]
“We want to pass this message to all the international oil companies operating in the Niger Delta (of Nigeria) that the Nigerian military cannot protect their facilities. They should talk to the Federal Government of Nigeria to meet our demands else more mishaps will befall their installations. Until our demands are met, no repair works should be done at the bast site”— Niger Delta Avengers.

• Missing Money Alert: [Breaking News on SKY News]
“At a time when mind-boggling embezzlement of public funds like the U.S. $49 billion alleged unremitted proceeds by Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation [NNPC] ostensibly aided by politicians in the executive arm of government and stealing of billions of naira of civil servants’ pension funds by fellow civil servants – Abdulwalid Maina and John Yesufu, Nigerian voters were looking for a messiah, more so as Boko Haram terrorists were decimating lives in the north eastern parts and rampaging through huge swathes of land and claiming Nigerian territories by hoisting their flags.

The reason for General Muhammadu Buhari’s appeal was because he was a symbol of integrity and epitome of probity contesting on a nationally spread political platform. Buhari brooked no nonsense and never compromised his rigid principles.” — Magnus Onyibe.

• Corruption Alert: Breaking News on NBC: “There is no doubt that historically, Nigeria and Afghanistan have had very high levels of corruption and that continues to this day. But the leaders of those countries have sent strong signals that they want things to change and the London Anti-Corruption Summit creates an opportunity for all countries present to sign up to a new era.” — Chris Sanders Manager Media and Public Relations, Transparency International.

• Sharing Formula (Joint Venture) Alert – Breaking News on Al Jazeera.
Headline: “WALI SHARED N950 MILLION IN MY HOUSE

“Former Kano State governor Malam Ibrahim Shekarau has acknowledged that N950m campaign funds were shared in his Kano house. But he said even though he was at home at the time, he was not in the room where the money was shared.

• Bashorun J.K. Randle is a former President of the Institute of Chartered Accountants of Nigeria (ICAN) and former Chairman of KPMG Nigeria and Africa Region. He is currently the Chairman, JK Randle Professional Services.
jkrandleintuk@gmail.com

TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW