By Charles Ighele

Do you always struggle before you say, “I am sorry.’’ Do you feel many times that people arejust unfair to you? Then you have a problem.

When you struggle apologising, then you have to deal with the spirit of pride. You are the onlyone that can constantly deal with this spirit and begin to form a new habit by replacing it with aspirit of humility. Only you can heal yourself. A proud person will always see a humbling situation humiliating.

He will prefer to argue, wanting the other person to understand.Heal yourself, develop your human spirit by allowing the spirit of humility to become a centralpart of your human spirit.

Many people keep saying that their spouses do not know how to apologise and if at all they do,they do it without feelings attached.

Early in my marriage to Carol, we, some of the time struggled apologising to each other. But aswe became more Christ-like and more mature, we trained our human spirits to learn how toapologise without struggling to do so. Make your child apologise properly without struggling sothat he/she will not export this into his/her marriage and future relationships.

Very importantly, couples should learn to say, “I am sorry’’ not only when the quarrel hasstarted but also as a means of preventing the matter from getting bigger.

For some, it is more painful and demeaning apologising to a younger one even if they are aware that they are wrong. Peter (not real name) saw it as belittling.During his youth service year, he met a fellow corps member who had no problem apologising.

He will also turn up the next day looking confident and joking with the person he apologised tothe previous day. He never felt embarrassed or angry even when he had to say, “I am sorry’’ forwhat was not his fault. His parents brought him up well. In fact, he “followed peace with allmen’’ (Hebrews 12:14).

This made him earn more respect. He was always a happy fellow. Peterwrites, “I envied him while I wondered how he could throw his pride away. This was something

I couldn’t bring myself to do.” Before now, Peter always believed in winning his cases througharguments like a lawyer in the court. Peter continues “But now I know better, that it is themature person that apologises.’’

Do not see whoever apologises as the weaker person. It is a sign of maturity.One of the things we deliberately do in our home is to compel each of our children to knowhow to apologise to each other no matter who is older. Whenever we found out that anyoverreacted, an apology was demanded for overreacting.

With this training we are preparingthem for their spouses and society so that they can live happier lives. In case you are grown upand find it difficult to apologise, it is a sign that you are an immature person occupying an adultbody. Humble yourself and grow up so that you can enjoy a better life. Love you!

• Bishop Charles Ighele is the General Superintendent of Holy Spirit Mission, Lagos.