By Charles Ighele

In this part of the world, parents-in-law are held in high esteem. They are more like one’s parents. And as such, the love given to one’s parents must be replicated to them. Also, the affection one shows to one’s parents must be shown to them too. The respect one gives to one’s parents must also be given to them too. It is not for competition, but one’s obligation.

I usually tell couples that once you are married as a woman you are not only married to the man, who is your husband; you are equally married to the man’s siblings and his parents. Also, the man is not only married to the woman, but to the woman’s siblings and his parents. Therefore, as you the man likes your parents, so, does the woman. Showing love to your parents- in-law has a way of making your relationship better. This is because when, for example, the man sees that you the woman shows unconditional love to his parents, he will be happy with you and his family will be happy with you too. He will definitely go to any length to make you happy because you are making him happy by showing love to his parents and thereby making them happy. As the man, when you show love towards your parents-in law, your wife will be very happy. This is because nobody wants his/her parents to be disrespected. Showing love to your parents-in-laws as a man will make your wife very happy. And this will positively affect the love between you.

Do not join the group who say parents-in-law are bad. Do not heed to the ill-advised friends who will tell you that you need to be battle-ready for parents-in-law and that you need to be tough when dealing with them if not you will be seen as “mumu” that means you will be taken as someone who is overly subservient to another person. I have found out that people who behave rudely to their parents-in-law, or who “show their parents-in-law pepper” never enjoy their marriages. They are always at dagger drawn with their spouses or their family members.

Truth be told, there may be some parents-in-law who may be difficult but it does not mean that you are to disrespect them. Don’t try to show your parents-in-laws that you are a no nonsense man or woman. It is not the best way to treat parents-in-laws. You can tell your husband about it or see a marriage counsellor who will be able to counsel you well on what to do or how to handle that particular alleged difficult parents-in-law. Remember that you will also be a parents-in-law one day, and ask yourself: “If my son or daughter-in-law behaves rudely or contemptuously towards me the way I am doing to my parents-in-law will I be happy?” Love you!

• Bishop Charles Ighele is the General Superintendent of Holy Spirit Mission, Lagos.