How To Get Your Man To Talk More
You never expected it! But it is really happening…
You got married to a man who talked to you about anything and everything, but getting him to say a few words to you now, is like trying to squeeze blood from a stone.
Why is this so?
There are a bunch of reasons why your man might not seem so interested in talking to you. Don’t be mad! It is true that men are so different from women and they just do not enjoy talking about all the “stuff” that women enjoy harping on about. I hear you say “But he always talked to me about these same things before we got married, so why would he stop now?” Aha…you have to realize that to him,
The chase is over.
Before you married him, he had ONE goal in mind, to get you on his side. Men are logical creatures and are smart enough to figure out that they have to do whatever it takes to get this damsel on their side. Once that goal has been attained, they slide back into their natural tendency to be the “non-speaking” specie. They are typically a lot more pensive and less talkative by nature. They have so much on their minds and are constantly thinking about their next move on something or the other and could honestly care less about what you deem necessary to talk about.
But this ought not be so.
If you’ve heard me say it once, you’ve heard me say it a thousand times – communication is the lifeline of every relationship. Though it isn’t their natural inclination to become your gisting buddy, they do have to find a way to talk to you, but you have to meet them halfway. While conversations about your hair/nail/waxing appointment or ‘tales of woe’ about how all women hate you, might have ‘seemed’ interesting to them in the past, men just rather not talk about things without substance. And before you say “It’s not fair, this is what I want to talk about! Shouldn’t he join in on the conversation full steam?” think – would you want him to inundate you with details about sports, if it really isn’t your thing?
You both have to meet somewhere in the middle.
An important part of a healthy relationship is friendship. To become friends, you have to talk more. It doesn’t work the other way around. So have discussions about what he loves to talk about, what his interests are, his dreams, his life goals, his favorite pastime or his new business. Finding a way to tune into his life shows him that you are interested in what he does and would love to know more. A majority of men think their wives are just so self-absorbed, so talking to him about his life would be a good way to kill that impression.
And speak kindly to him too.
Talking to your husband just isn’t enough. How exactly do you have a conversation with him? Ever heard of the dreaded four traits that are common in relationships that end up in a broken mess? The first trait is criticism. No one (especially men) wants to be approached with that index finger (or more) wagging at them and pointing out their inadequacies. You’ll put them on the defensive and anytime you “approach” them to talk, all they see is this blame game starting to happen all over again. It becomes a turn off.
And this works for both parties too.
To get your man to talk with you more, you need to (just as he too) learn how to effectively communicate with him. While there is so much information out there regarding the proper way to communicate with your spouse, you’ll find a ton of practical steps to getting it done by downloading this free three-part audio on “How to Master Communication and Conflict Resolution” here. The easy-to-relate-with information will help communication between you and your partner soar to new unimaginable heights.
It’s easy to get him to talk.
Just get your mind out of the past and focus in on how he has evolved and what things are most important to him at this moment. Then, talk about those things. If you have to learn a few things just to be able to sound intelligent, do a little bit of research (thank God for google) and then ask him to teach you how to become an “expert” in that field of his interest. Don’t just go to him blank expecting him to walk you through everything. This could become tiring for him, causing him to shut down.
Speak to him with love and respect (Oh! There’s that word). We tend to treat strangers better than we do our spouses and this isn’t the right way to handle things. Not saying you should treat strangers horribly, just saying you should treat everyone with some respect! Especially your spouse!
“What if I do all this ZeeZee and he still doesn’t want to talk to me?”
Sometimes, change takes time. The same way it took years for bad communication habits to become deep-seated, it’ll take some time for both of you to imbibe new healthy communication habits.
Just never give up!
I’d love to hear from you, ask your questions, share your views, comment, like and share this article with a loved one who might need it. It’s always better when you share! J
Here’s to the new era of healthy communication in your home!
ZeeZee is a certified Relationship and Marriage Coach who believes her purpose in life is to equip couples with the right tools for a successful relationship. Through her website and YouTube channel she shares practical tips and principles that help couples understand the inner workings of a healthy marriage.
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