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Navigating Asexuality In A Hypersexual World

By Oreoritse Tariemi

22 February 2022   |   12:07 pm

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Asexuality, Hypersexuality, sexual liberation.  Sexuality has evolved from simply intercourse between an adult male and female, taking a more' complex' turn. As the world evolves, society has become even more accepting of the different sexual variations, a far cry from what was considered the norm.  In the last couple of years, sexuality has switched up…

asexuality Photo Love Matters Naija

Asexuality, Hypersexuality, sexual liberation. 

Sexuality has evolved from simply intercourse between an adult male and female, taking a more’ complex’ turn. As the world evolves, society has become even more accepting of the different sexual variations, a far cry from what was considered the norm. 

In the last couple of years, sexuality has switched up from being unspoken to forefront conversations at rallies conferences with events dedicated solely for the purpose of understanding how to navigate this delicate spectrum. 

More recently, asexuality has found its way to the top of these conversations, providing a safe space for people who do not possess sexual emotions despite the seemingly hypersexual society we currently live in. 

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary describes asexuality as ‘not having sexual feelings towards others; not experiencing sexual attraction. 

Think of it this way, imagine being a teenager, at a time where sexual emotions are in full swing, and everyone around you is eager to discover the workings of the human body and intercourse, but you feel NOTHING. 

Fast forward years later, you’re middle-aged, married (not by choice), and you still feel no sexual attraction to your partner, but society demands marriage, and you agree. However, you soon start to realize you’re not alone, and there are many others like yourself navigating the complexities of the Asexual spectrum.

Hypersexuality 

Currently driven by romance sex, everywhere from the media to real-life relationships are bombarded with images of sex and sexual content, which makes it even more difficult for those in the 1% to find a place. 

As we all gradually become more comfortable talking about casual sex, it is important to understand that the world didn’t become sexualized in one day, and so navigating this hypersexual society as an asexual might not come easy.

The increased sexuality of the world has been attributed to the decline of religious fundamentalism, which had imposed unhelpful doctrines on sexual intercourse. This sexualized culture has also been attributed to the media more recently as sexual themes resonate deeply in content shared across traditional and digital platforms. 

Navigating These Complex Intricacies

The first-hand account of life as an asexual written by Zoe O’Reilly in 1997 My Life As An Amoeba birthed the first asexual online community from the comments section of this piece. 

In the text, O’Reilly writes, “I’m out and proud to be asexual.” 

In 2001, asexuality began to receive more attention as activist David Jay founded the world’s largest asexual organization – the Asexual Visibility and Education Network. 

So how does this extend to our daily life? 

In some animal societies, some species do not reproduce, a great example being the worker bees. Biological anthropology describes these members as ‘helpers at the nest.’ 

Hence, it would not be wrong to describe asexuality as simply a continuum of human sexuality. However, there also exists a form of continuum within the asexual community. While some asexuals find interest in relationships, cuddling, and romance, others are aromantic and have little desire for romance and, in turn, sex. 

While this lack of desire for sex was formerly considered a deficiency, a footnote added to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders identified that the lack of sexual attraction need not have a pathological cause. 

Unlike previous assumptions that trauma is largely responsible for this sexuality, more recent studies have proved that this assumption was wrong and asexuality is no longer considered a kind of ‘psychological disorder.’

As such, this strikes up a conversation of where asexuality fits in the bigger picture of the LGBTQ+ community. The Aven Community Census conducted in 2014, surveyed major sexual online communities. 

Reports from the census revealed that 19.9% of asexuals within the study believed they were only welcomed in the LGBTQ+ community for having another identity while the other 14.1% didn’t feel welcomed or included. 

How do you know you’re asexual? 

While there are no physical signs to point at being asexual or ace, there are also telling signs to determine if you are asexual whether or not you have sex. 

Advocatesforyouths puts forward these questions to be helpful in determining your sexuality. 

• Have you ever been sexually attracted to another person?
• Do you want to have sex or engage in sexual practices?
• If you want to date or get married at some point, do you want sex to be a part of that relationship?
• If you’ve had sex or engaged in sexual practices before, was it something you liked? Would you want to do it again? How were your feelings about the experience different or similar to your friends or partners’ experiences?

In the same way, there is no exact timeline to discovering one’s sexuality and with the increased rate of education on these issues, especially through social media. It has become a lot easier to find a community of like-minded individuals. 

You don’t have to come out as asexual if you don’t want to, and there is no right or wrong way to come out. This is a deeply personal decision for you to make, and being asexual is not an end to romantic relationships, as demiromanticism also exists within the asexual spectrum.