Signs That You Are In A Situationship, Not A Relationship
We all love a good love story and always have. Remembering reading ‘Mills and Boons’ novels at eight years old and sighing in ecstasy, when the main characters confessed their love to each other. In retrospect, one wonders why they went through the hassling conversation of “when did you realise that you were in love with me?”
Currently, this will have one wonder if that matters as long as love is present.
Anyway, it is not certain if GenZ can relate to romance, as did back in the day, especially with the alarming rate at which situationships seem to have taken the center stage. It’s not like situationships haven’t always been a thing, it just seems like they are replacing relationships, the good kind.
For those who don’t know what a situationship is, Oxford has got you covered. It defines it as “a romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered to be formal or established.” See? Even Oxford knows that it isn’t a relationship that is built on a firm foundation so to speak.
Dr Jess Carbido elaborates on the definition by stating, “Situationships can be defined as a romantic relationship that lacks commitment and the associated norms and expectations. Beginning to sound or look familiar? Situationships simply refer to relationships that lack definition and direction. Some might argue that they are defined and do have direction but when placed side by side with societal expectations of a wholesome relationship, situationships fall desperately short.
Back then, men were a bit more intentional and would tell you right off the bat what their intentions were. Yes, there were the ones that lied about what they wanted but they all knew the most important thing; defining the relationship from the beginning was the key to getting a positive answer.
Here are some signs that you are in a situationship and might need to bail out if a serious relationship is what you really want.
You don’t know where you belong: People in situationships don’t do a lot of talking, and even when there is talk, it’s usually very superficial. If you are with someone who does everything right, but you are constantly tempted to ask, “What are we? Or “who are we to each other”, then you are in a situationship. You want to be with a partner who defines what you are doing with each other and where you are both heading. If you are interested in coasting through life without any serious commitment to anyone then, situationships might be ideal for you. It gives you the allure of eating your cake and having it, but it prevents you from having any deep-rooted connection and can severely hinder your social skills in the future.
You get ghosted often: Because situationships give the parties involved the loophole of not defining what they are to each other; most of them bear this rather appalling trait. Ghosting refers to the practice of not communicating with someone you are supposedly in a relationship with for days or weeks and then resuming communication as if nothing is amiss. Not only does this leave the other party who wants something more waiting, but it also demoralizes them and makes them feel like they are not worth the time and effort. This brings me to my next point.
You feel less confident about yourself: if you are with someone who makes you long for who you used to be before you met him or her, you are most likely in a situationship setting. Even though this can happen in an abusive or toxic relationship, it is a common trait with those in situationships. Being ghosted, not knowing if you are important enough and not knowing what to expect from each other can mess with your psyche big time and cause you to feel less sure and confident about yourself. These emotions can begin to impact other areas of your life.
If you are interested in coasting through life without any serious commitment to anyone, then situationships might be ideal for you. It gives you the allure of eating your cake and having it all however, it prevents you from having any deep-rooted connection and can severely hinder your social skills in the future.
There are so many more signs, but these are the most common signs that follow situationships. You want to start the year with people whose values align with yours and who place value on you with their time, effort and emotions.
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