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The Calm, Often Misunderstood Person You Know Might Be A Covert Narcissist

How many times has somebody so calm, vulnerable and in need of sympathy come to you and you went all out to help the person only to find out that you have been manipulated?

Once? Twice? Many times? Well, that is what a covert narcissist can do.


While you will notice the “overt” narcissist who will do everything to get your attention, a covert narcissist appeals to your vulnerability and exploit you to meet their needs. More often than not, they paint a picture of someone who has been so maltreated that you wonder why the world could be so cruel to them. Sometimes, they come in form of people we know as ‘damsels in distress’.

Research done by Murray Henry and Paul Wink reveal that covert narcissists are extremely sensitive to other people’s opinion. To avoid people seeing them as bad, they appear calm, nice, and wary of trouble. But it’s all part of a strategy to get you to do their bidding.


Woman Running. Photo credit: Getty Images

The first time a covert narcissist sees you, they present a kind–natured and unbelievably nice person who wants your friendship. What they are actually doing is to size you up to know what ways they can use to manipulate you.

These people change their character depending on who they meet to fit into a person’s narrative. After a while, you’d find yourself wearing your superman suit to help and defend them because you think they genuinely need you.

Once you start feeling insecure and unsure of yourself, they pounce on you like their prey.

You can never do enough to satisfy these people. The only people who get to discover who they really are those closest to them.

Here are signs some of them exhibit:

These people know how to make you feel like you are the cause of their woes. The story is always the same: It’s all your fault. Even if you get hit or cheated on, you hear the popular narrative, “they have never hit anyone, you made them do it”. It is what the narcissist wants you to believe. Before you know it, you will find yourself submitting and trying to please them in ways unimagined.

Covert narcissists feel no guilt or remorse for whatever they have done. Rather than own up, they will tell another lie just to prove they are right. They send mixed signals but because they have you in their grip, you find yourself making up excuses for their actions. Even when they are caught red-handed, they will still put on the chameleon façade.

They often feel self-conscious when they are in a room filled with people and every action of a person is easily misinterpreted and why they thought that way? It is the person’s fault for letting them think that way.

They are so self-absorbed in their problems that they show disinterest when you talk about yours or quickly change the subject. They hate everybody unless they find somebody to prey on. They are often quick to engage in character assassination but you won’t notice.

When they feel their cover is about to be exposed, they find a way of calming the storm. An example is constant buying of gifts or saying the magic word, sorry.

They leave like nothing happened: They have ulterior motives, they want you to feel worthless without them.

Before you go really crazy, visit a psychologist to save your life or take them before you hear the dreaded words ones you dread, It’s all your fault.

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