By Tony Afejuku

The Glitterer wishes to make not so comprehensive remarks about a subject to which he considers affixing a comprehensive title. In other words, the Glitterer, this Glitterer, wants to give a very short, brief speech or comment about a topic, but he wants to give that speech, this comment, that is, a massive, official-sounding, and deeply detailed title. Herein lies the Glitterer’s art: His planning to make a very short, minor comment about a topic, but he is going to dress it up with a massive, incredibly complex, and official-sounding title to make it seem much important than it actually is.

Is this composer sounding humorous or ironic here? Are his sentences trying to describe a humorous or ironic contradiction in someone’s behaviour? Are the sentences describing or trying to describe a picture of someone who cares a lot about the “packaging” (the title, the chosen title) but is not putting much substance into the actual “content”, the actual “substance”, the actual “illustration” (the speech, the comment)?

Now, let the composer terminate the perceived (or unnoticed) suspense his art may have generated so far; for it is time for the Glitterer to end the perceived (or unseen) tension and mystery that his composition has created up until this point.

His purpose is to put into form presently certain of his thoughts or ideas on the point or mystery of forgiveness and its art with respect to our politics. How do we tell the frank and stimulating story of the unforgiving spirit of every political gladiator in our land? Very recently a handsome columnist/regular Guardian contributor whose association with me is handsomely favourable sent me the following newspaper report of ages ago:

“How I Became a Drug Abuser and Trafficker – Gov Tinubu of Lagos”.
The story was published as the lead (front page) report of PM News of Monday, May 17, 1999.

The Glitterer feels the need to affix (or re-affix?) the comprehensive report to a Nigerian newspaper again as he hereby does in this column – somewhat in its original form. The Glitterer is doing so genuinely to indicate that we should not be indifferent to the art of forgiveness, and the comprehensive remarks it surely will generate. Here is the massive report:

“Lagos State Governor, Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu, yesterday made a shocking revelation of his past, confessing that he became a drug abuser and trafficker during his younger years.

“In an emotional and candid interview with PM News, the governor said he got involved in drug abuse and trafficking while he was still a young man, a period he described as one of the darkest chapters of his life.

“I became a drug abuser and trafficker, Tinubu said. It was a difficult time for me, but I have since turned my life around and chosen the path of service to my people and to Nigeria.”

“The Governor, who is also the national leader of the All Progressive Congress (APC) said his experience with drugs exposed him to the darker side of life, but it also taught him valuable lessons about the dangers of addiction and the need for a better society.

“I don’t say this for sympathy, he said. ‘I say it so that others, especially our youths, can learn from my mistakes. Drugs destroy lives, families and communities. I thank God for giving me a second chance and I will continue to work for a Nigeria where our young people are protected and given real opportunities.

“The admission has since sparked wide reactions across the country, with many Nigerians commending the governor for his honesty.”

The confession of the then Governor of Lagos State who is now the President of Nigeria, our mysteriously great and greatly mysterious country, is the proof of a life and curiosity of a man whose curiosity is indisputable and which will remain indisputable in the consciousness of those who are studying him earnestly with the intention to bring him down. Bola Tinubu’s confession proves that he is an undeniably curious man, and this trait will always be recognised by the people who are closely studying him to find a way to ruin him. In other words, this confession serves as evidence of his life choices and his undeniable habit of being curious or investigative.

His political enemies or critics who are closely watching his every move to find a weakness to destroy him, cannot deny how curious and sharp he is. Even his fiercest critics who belong to the brotherhood of journalists must acknowledge this in the same way that their readers, and the man’s political enemies cannot dispute his sharp intellect.

If President Bola Ahmed Tinubu were a devout Roman Catholic, he would have gone to a priest as a penitent to confess his sins or alleged history with drug abuse and trafficking. Without a doubt his sins would have been forgiven. Instead he went public, holding a conflicted sense of remorse and optimism that the public – acting as his confessor – would forgive him which they ultimately did. This is the strategy of a masterful performer – one that cannot be faulted if we view politics as an art form meant to be accepted at face value rather than over-analysed.

This is the comfortable, good-humoured presumption of this writer, columnist and composer that cannot really be queried in the spirit of art that is a pudding which is a pudding, and that our only concern with it is to taste and swallow it – whether or not our tongues wholesomely accept it.

In closing, the Glitterer wishes to ask as follows: In publishing Governor Bola Ahmed Tinubu’s curious alluded-to confession in 1999, did the four (ex-) guerilla journalists – Bayo Onanuga, Babafemi Ojudu, Dapo Olorunyomi and Kunle Ajibade, who co-founded PM News – deliberately lob their journalistic grenade into Tinubu’s enemies’ lines just on general principles to help him stay on course for the pursuit of the biggest prize in the land (which he eventually got, and wants to re-get, by all means possible and impossible)? What or who gives me the temerity to tender this question? Answer: My zeal and enthusiasm for truth and nothing but the truth, and my open-mindedness and objectivity, and other things art demands of/from all of us pushers of the mighty pen – and readers of our jocular or serious texts.

However, a critical detail came to light upon completing this piece: the quoted PM News report was actually an AI-generated hoax created by those who oppose and hate President Tinubu and Nigeria.

Embarrassed by this revelation, The Glitterer, This Glitterer, mutters to himself and seeks forgiveness from President Tinubu and PM News. Nevertheless, he still foresees Nigeria’s ultimate ruin from 2027 onward—unless President Tinubu, his allies, his presidencynologists, his opponents, and the rest of us reject AI-generated deception and play politics by standard democratic rules.

Afejuku can be reached via 08055213059.