Millions of widows in dire straits over lack of care structure, empathy

Being a widow is a universal phenomenon that happens when a woman loses her spouse. This condition brings different experiences for different women, depending on their economic status, family size, employment status, cultural heritage, environment, religious beliefs and educational background. Given the insecurity in Nigeria and men of the disciplined agencies recording casualties on all fronts, more of their loved ones are now exposed to widowhood and its heart-wrenching conditions, NGOZI EGENUKA reports.

Blessing Zion was seven months pregnant when she got news of the death of her police officer husband. She just turned 31.

With three other children, the hairdresser had to quit her salon business to focus on her children, now orphans.

Her loss of the breadwinner elicited pity and some gifts from the community. After the birth of her fourth child, she gathered her life savings for a maize business.

She recounted that whenever she asked her elder brother for support, he would tell her to relocate to the village. With no help coming forth, she changed her children’s school to a tuition-free government-owned facility.

“Six months after my husband’s death, we were thrown out of the house at Highway Patrol Barracks, Ikeja, and they rented out the apartment. I met the commandant, who told me that it was a new policy to evict the occupants residing in a dead officer’s house. Luckily, I had started saving money from the sale of corn, so I was able to rent a shop and live there with my children,” she said.

Nine years later, Zion is still unable to collect her husband’s benefits from the police, as she doesn’t know how to go about it. She, however, said she was recently introduced to the police widows’ association, which educated her on steps to claim her late husband’s benefits.

“After one year of starting the process, I am now stuck. They refused to push it to PenCom. They claimed that my late husband was a ghost worker. Later, they started spreading rumours that I had collected his money and lavished it,” she lamented.

Asked whether the family dumped her, Zion said her husband was the pillar of his family and his family stripped her of his belongings after he died. Her consolation is that her children are growing and there is hope for them.

Like Zion, Veronica Ebuka, who now works as an office cleaner, lost her Army Sergeant husband in 2005 and she had to take care of her five children, who were still in elementary school.

After his death, her in-laws, she said, took away some of their properties and abandoned her to raise the children alone.

She said after her husband’s death, she was evicted from the barracks in less than three months.

Depending on the tolerance of the officer-in-charge, she said, widows may sometimes be allowed to stay for about three months in the barracks or until they get their late spouses’ entitlement. It, however, took about three years before she was paid her husband’s entitlement.

For Miracle Okoro, who now resides in Abuja, she lost her husband, an Air Force Major, about a year ago. They had been married for just four years with two children.

She must face the odds daily, as she is still trying to get over the loss, because in her words, “I have lost my best friend. The only person I was licensed to disturb because he was my own.”

She, however, said that though the military doesn’t do so much in rendering help, the deceased’s “specific corps” could take it upon themselves to care for the family that was left behind.

“Some take it seriously like they lost a family member and shoulder some of the responsibilities of their colleagues’ family. Some of the officers made a name for themselves while alive, so it attracts favours to the family,” she said.

According to her, a senior officer has taken it upon himself to support her by paying the school fees of her children, adding that she gets alerts from some of her late husband’s course mates sometimes.

“Immediately he died, I had to start planning to leave the accommodation at the base because people were already interested in it. So, I didn’t wait to be pushed out and someone is currently occupying the house,” she said.

She narrated that one of her husband’s corps members has also paid for a year’s rent for her family as she struggles to get on her feet and move on.

Okoro said that she was yet to access her late husband’s benefits, as she was not aware of the requirements and processes it entails.

“I needed someone to inform me of the processes. They usually have a board that finds out the circumstances surrounding the person’s death to know how to treat the case. Someone later spoke to me about it and discovered that my file had been ready since April 2023, but no one communicated to me.  Now, I must pick up the file and travel to Lagos to process it,” she said.

A growing population of widows
Zion, Ebuka and Okoro are in the population of widows that has been made worse by insurgency, accidents, conflicts, illness, and violence across the country.

According to conversion.com, an international research agency, Nigeria is home to about 15 million of the world’s 258 million widows. Traditionally, in countries like Nigeria, which is a patriarchal society, where men represent the family lineage, becoming a widow puts a woman in a disadvantaged position.

The records, more than ever before, are establishing that there is an increase in the number of younger widows, between the ages of 23 and 40.

Seunfunmi Stephen, the founder of Patrick Stevens Purple Heart Foundation for Widows (PSPHFW) said more than 1,000 widows between the ages of 23 and 40 are in her Non-Governmental Organisation (NGO), which is in Lagos. Also, for Serendipity House, another NGO, young widows constitute 20 per cent of its 25,000 population, which is 5000.

Pat Utomi Widow Supports Centre also said it has over 200 registered widows with at least 60 of them in their 40s. Similarly, Widow’s Might, an NGO, has an 80 per cent population of widows aged 20 to 40. In 2018, when the foundation started, they had 50 people in their community, but between 2019 and 2023, the number has grown to 2,000 women. Convener, Widow’s Might, Regina Chris-Ogbodo, disclosed that 20 per cent of the population in her list is from the north, owing to the insurgency.

Indeed, widows in Africa have had to bear the brunt of maltreatment, ranging from economic exploitation, verbal abuse, cultural malpractices, disrespect, delay in receiving their late husbands’ entitlements, physical abuse, negligence as well as emotional or psychological exploitation. These experiences make widows vulnerable to stigmatisation, depression, isolation, and suicide.

They are sometimes subjected to some inhumane practices, which are based on tribe. In some tribes, they are forced to marry their late husband’s relatives, disregarding their feelings and freedom of choice, thereby violating their fundamental human rights.

In some other parts, they are forced to shave their hair, drink the bath water used to wash their husband’s corpse to prove their innocence, sleep with the corpse and sometimes subjected to trial by ordeal. These practices are predominant in the Eastern part of Nigeria, Igala, Edo and some Western parts.

The dark side of widowhood
Due to the fight against insurgency, the number of widows of deceased security personnel has seen an upward trajectory.

A combination of reports from various sources puts the deaths of military personnel at 256. Complete data on the number of casualties on the side of security forces, comprising the Military, Police and Civilian Joint Task Force is unavailable.

To ascertain the number of widows, the President of the Military Widows Association (MiWA), Veronica Aloko, said they are in the thousands.

But civilian widows are not left out. They have their fair share of experiences. There seems to be one constant experience for most of the widows – stories of pain and maltreatment meted out to them by the people who should be a source of help.

For Olaniyi Charles, who lost her husband six years ago, raising her three children has been a herculean task, as she receives no support from her in-laws.

Recounting her experience in tears, she said she spent more than a million to save the life of her late husband, who died from a colon disease, adding that she also cleared all the bills alone after his death.

She lamented that her late husband’s younger brother seized from her, building materials she was using to renovate a house she wanted to put up for rent as a source of income. “He threatened that the house would crumble like the wall of Jericho in the Bible and as I speak to you, that is the state of the house.”

Bola Ajayi, 46, who got married at 21, lost her husband 14 years ago and was abandoned to fend for her sickle cell daughter and two other children.

According to her, since the death of her husband, there has been no help from his family. To meet her needs, she learnt photography and works as a cleaner in a school. Still, she is overwhelmed with bills that come with having a sickle cell daughter and family needs.

Also, Lillian Egonu, 45, was formerly based in Germany with her husband and only daughter. Her husband was deported, so they had to join him in Nigeria. Shortly after, he fell ill and died in 2019. Since then, things have been difficult for her. They have had to live in makeshift huts in Ijora Badia, Lagos with no family support.

In violation of rights
Thousands of such stories show how the rights of widows are being violated daily and how inhumane a society can be. The condition in Nigeria might have grown worse considering the increase in cost of living, poor law enforcement and lack of policies to safeguard widows’ rights.

There are no specific laws that speak against the ill-treatment of widows in Nigeria. Recently, however, there has been an introduction of a bill named the Widows Protection Bill 2020.

The Bill seeks to abolish all forms of harmful and degrading practices, engender the fundamental rights of widows, provide effective remedies for victims, and promote accountability for perpetrators. This bill is included in the amended Violence Against Persons Prohibition (VAPP) Act.

Although two former governors, Nyesom Wike and Samuel Ortom of Rivers and Benue states respectively, passed similar laws protecting the rights of widows in their respective states in recent times, they seem to be observed in breach.

At the African regional level, the African Charter on Human and People’s Rights (African Charter, 1998), and the Protocol to the African Charter on Human and People’s Rights on the Rights of Women in Africa (The Protocol, 2003) explicitly call for the elimination of “harmful traditional practices.”

Several articles of “The Protocol” call attention to widow’s rights. For example, Article 2(1) (b) prohibits discrimination that endangers the health and general well-being of women. Article 2 (2), deals with the elimination of harmful cultural and traditional practices, while articles 3 and 4, which deal with the rights to dignity, life, integrity and security of persons respectively, ensure that women such as widows are treated in a respectful, humane and non-degrading manner.

Despite these provisions, articles 20 and 21(1) address the unique issues associated with widows. Article 20 caters to situations where widows are subjected to all sorts of degrading and humiliating treatment.

It also envisages and seeks to prevent situations where widows are denied custodianship of their children. Other harsh realities such as forced marriages and the inability of widows from certain societies to remarry have also been dealt with. Article 21(1) seeks to tackle the problems associated with inheritance.

Though it has been explicitly stated, Africa is yet to come to the point of implementation. Nigeria, Ghana and Cameroon for example, still have gruesome experiences today.

It is reported that under Cameroon’s patriarchal customary law system, a widow has only user rights because she is considered “property” and “property cannot inherit property”. In addition, the fear of witchcraft makes it impossible for a widow to enjoy her right of administration.

Ghanaian widows are routinely accused by the community of having caused the death of their husbands, or even the killing of their husbands. The widowhood rites in many cases harbour practices that involve a widow proving her innocence. For example, she may be made to sit on fresh leaves or on the bare floor almost naked, eating and drinking at the same spot for days, and if an ant bites her, this ‘proves’ that she caused the death of her husband. Others are made to drink concoctions that are harmful to them. In other cases, widows are forced into marriage with relatives of their late husbands.

Ghana, however, had attempted to eliminate degrading and harmful widows’ mourning rites by legislation. The 1989 amendment to the Penal Code criminalises the acts of any person who compels a widow to undergo any custom or practice that is cruel, immoral, or grossly indecent. However, no one has been arrested under this law.

Official reactions to cases of abuse
The Nigerian Police Force has records of delayed entitlements, but the widows have little or no information on the processes required.

On his part, the Nigeria Air Force spokesperson, Air Vice Marshal Edward Gabkwet, said gratuity is the benefits that they are paid, which would be sent to the deceased’s documented next-of-kin, adding that they are not entitled to a pension, which is for someone who has retired or left the service.

He, however, said that for all personnel of the armed forces, gratuity is not processed by the force but by the Military Pensions Board.

“They are the ones that compute all the entitlements and send them into your account. Everyone is advised to fill in their next-of-kin form, which dictates who should inherit his entitlement in the event of death. Once an officer is confirmed dead, a board is set up and all his entitlements are computed, forwarded to the pension board credits the account of the person concerned,” he explained.

Gabkwet maintained that the Nigerian Air Force has no direct relationship with the entitlement of personnel. He said that widows with specific issues could write to the Military Pension Board, adding that the time required for processing the gratuity is determined by the board.

On the eviction from the base, he said as soon as the entitlements are paid, the widows are given time to look for another accommodation to allow recruits and officers a place to stay.

“The timing of these things is not cast in stone, and everyone understands what it means to lose a husband or wife in service and we take cognisance of the sacrifices they have made to the protection of life and property. In the Air Force, we don’t separate with the families of our deceased because we still see them as a part of the larger Nigerian Air Force family,” he said.

He said the current Chief of Air Staff doesn’t condone such ill-treatment of widows, so any such case should be brought to them so they can handle it properly.

An attempt to reach the Military Pension Board proved futile as the numbers of the National Chairman were unreachable and the Lagos representative, Samuel Akande, immediately cut the call after The Guardian made proper identification. A text message sent to both to seek comments was not replied to at the time of filing this report.

Stakeholders proffer solution
Nigeria needs to urgently find solutions to this recurring pandemic. Top on the list would be the implementation of laws. It is time to not just end at adopting laws or charters but ensure enforcement of such laws.

Funding and supporting widow foundations is another key action to take as such organisations have the database and from experience know how best to help widows. It is important to review such practices and ensure widows are treated with dignity, and their rights honoured, while massive awareness should go into changing beliefs and cultures.

The founder of Almanah Hope Foundation, Hope Nwakwesi, believes that advocacy should be a core action to drive change in widow’s experiences. Exposure, education, and information are important to counter our culture of silence and secrecy, which remains the reason for the downward transmission of the culture of abuse.

Convener, Widow’s Might, Regina Chris-Ogbodo, said though the government has made some verbal commitment and acted to some degree, there is no legal backing to the protection of widows’ rights as obtainable in some other cases like rape and others. “Until the government gives a specific legal or constitutional backing to the protection of the rights of the widow, we cannot move so fast. There must be one that speaks specifically to the word widow,” she stressed.

She added that the law should also contain abolition of the inhumane practices so that people who break the law can bear the consequences, especially as women are even the ones being used to sustain such inhumane practices.

“Brutality of widows sometimes leads to loss of lives or parts of their bodies sometimes. Some are forever stuck with traumatic experiences, so these issues are so serious to be neglected,” Chris-Ogbodo said.