And The Award For ‘Most Ingenious Way Of…’ Goes To Nigeria Police
Before the video that exposed a policeman on a highway checkpoint demanding for a five litre of petrol or its equivalent in cash, broke the Internet in the week, most Nigerians never knew our policemen have devised a new ingenious way of collecting bribe from hapless Nigerians. The embarrassing video showed a policeman boldly demanding a five litre of petrol or its equivalent in cash, which he shamelessly pegged at 5,000 naira, from an unidentified motorist who the policeman alleged had an incomplete car particulars. The video also showed him pocketing different cash bribes from other motorists even as he negotiated with the person making the video. It was obvious the policeman was unaware he was being filmed, so, the unidentified male was not using a mobile phone but a more sophisticated filming device (probably a ‘spy’ eyeglasses or a pen pinned to his breast pocket). If anybody was surprised at the video, T4T was not. And even the police brass in Abuja were not surprised either. They cannot feign ignorance of what their men and officers are doing in roadblocks and police stations/divisions across the country on a daily basis. T4T read that the six policemen at that particular roadblock where that policeman was caught pants down brazenly demanding bribe have been summoned to Abuja. Yes, they will face orderly room trial and the worst punishment they may get is demotion in ranks and then sent back into the field to continue their nefarious acts.

T4T had said this several times in the past; an average Policeman in Nigeria sees a Nigerian as a prey, and he is the predator. The insincerity of the police authorities is the most disheartening aspect of this unending horror movie. Every Inspector General of Police breathes fire on assumption of office and promises to fight corruption among the ranks and file of the force. Na wash wash be dat. As soon as he settles into his cosy chair, the wheeling and dealing continue, unabated. In all of this, T4T blames the Police Service Commission, PSC. The PSC, ordinarily or should T4T say, naturally, is supposed to be the ‘police’ of the police force. The body is like the feared Internal Affairs of the United States police force. But then, when you have retired IGPs of police heading that body, what else do you expect? A friend went to a police division in Surulere, Lagos (names withheld) because he was having some issues with his landlord who locked the main gate that he would not drive out to work. He was shocked when the Policeman at the ‘counter’ told him he should deposit the sum of 20,000 naira as ‘logistics’ to go and invite the landlord. The distance between the police division and his house is less than three kilometres! He negotiated the amount down to 15,000. Another friend was having issues with one of his tenants, a woman, who was very violent. He sought advice from T4T who told him to go to the nearest police division. This was also in the same Surulere, Lagos. It was a very demoralised person who called to reel out the ‘fee’ he was asked to pay at the ‘counter’ before a policeman would follow him to make that arrest and or invite the violent female tenant. Here is the breakdown:

“2,500 for the statement form, 1,000 naira for the pen, transport=2,000, mobilisation for the two policemen going for the arrest=3,000. The total amount billed T4T’s friend was 8,500 (Eight thousand five hundred naira ONLY).”

There is no police division in Nigeria anybody will go to lay a complaint that he or she won’t be asked for a minimum of 5,000 for the case to be ‘incidented’. And if an arrest is to be made, be ready to cough out a minimum of 15,000. What the police are running is no longer a police force but a revenue accruing agency. Late Abami Eda, Fela Anikulapo, was right, after all!

And if you still believe that bail is free in Nigeria, then you probably just came back from Mars where you have been in the last 50 years.

The IGP would show Nigerians he is serious about fighting corruption in the force when he establishes a special outfit that will be carrying out sting operations in police divisions(and the outfit must not comprise of policemen) and on our highways, fishing out corrupt cops and by the end of the day, we may have to recruit new set of Nigerians because no one may be left in the force.
In the meantime, T4T hereby present to our ‘hardworking’ policemen the award for the Most Ingenious Way of Taking Bribes…five litre of petrol or 5,000!

See What ‘Nkwobi’ Did To Don Jazzy
MUSIC star, producer and label executive, Don Jazzy, was lamenting in a video how he unwittingly accepted a gift of ‘nkwobi’ pot (locally prepared meat and sauce) from a fan, unsolicited. Days after, the fan called in the favour by asking Don Jazzy to lend him his artiste, Rema, to perform at his birthday or so. Don Jazzy was amused. A pot of ‘nkwobi’ naturally does not cost more than 5,000, but, since it Don Jazzy lives in the Victoria Island or Lekki area of Lagos (the millionaire playground, like Beverly Hills in America), let us say 20,000. So, how on earth did the ‘Samaritan’ equate an ‘nkwobi’ pot to Rema, a young man reportedly paid over N3 billion to play a wedding of a billionaire’s son in India?
Well, Don Jazzy has appealed to the public not to gift him anything again beginning from ‘nkwobi’ to even ‘akara’ (fried bean cake). Don J is not doing again! Once beaten…