The founder of Home-builders Christian Ministry International, Badagry, Lagos, Apostle Israel Oku, recently celebrated 50 years in marriage with his wife, Mrs Goodness Oku, at their Badagry residence.

The former executive member of Pentecostal Fellowship of Nigeria (PFN), Lagos State Chapter, in his interaction with journalists, disclosed that his marriage practically became impossible.

According him, a few years before he met his wife, his mother in the village had arranged for awoman for him to marry. The lady’s dowry, according Oku, had been paid, and a date fixed for her to join him in Lagos. One day, Oku said, he had a dream that changed the whole scenario.

“In that dream, I was sick, and the woman my mother arranged for me abandoned me and I decided to cancel the proposed marriage. But my father felt bad initially with my decision, but he later realised my predicament and supported my decision.”

When it seemed everything about the first woman had died down, Oku said he started planning for another relationship. However, things turned out when he met a lady in a public bus during one of his trips back from Ijebu-Itele, where the parents of the first lady lived.

According to him, they became friends, but never thought of marrying her. Apostle Oku said it was the intervention of his aunt and a family friend that convinced him that his new friend would make a good wife, having seen that she was homely and very accommodating. That paved way for Oku to sought Goodness’ hand in marriage and today the rest is history.

The couple’s success story in marriage continued with Oku’s wife’s education. Oku disclosed that his wife had little education at the time they got married, but because she was interested in education, after years of marriage, Mrs Oku went to Lagos State University (LASU), Ojo, Lagos, where she obtained her first degree, as well as a diploma in Theology from a Bible school.

Mrs Oku’s story is that her last two children got admission to LASU at the time she too secured admission. The husband said: “When my wife came to Lagos from the village, she stayed with her uncle. But her uncle could not send her to school because she was already an adult. She had to learn a trade. But she had always loved to go to school. As a matter of fact, she always dreamt of having a home where

English language is the means of communication. We got married anyway, and she shared her dream with me.

I tried to convince her to calm down and assured her that she would fulfill her dream.”

Oku, whose Christian background emanated from the Christ Army Church of Nigeria, later joined the Divine Healing Ministry in the 90s and from there, he gave his life fully to Christ.

The couple’s involvement in ministry and participation in church training and Bible school helped them to be where they are today. In 2000, according to Oku, they got a nod from the Lord to start Home-builders Ministry at OkoAfo, off the Badagry Expressway.

Today, the ministry is 26 years old and Oku said, he has every reason to thank God for what He has done for them. The couple’s gifting for settling family issues made them to organisea conference tagged: “The Happy Home Conference” and gradually, it became a yearly event. Thereafter, Oku said God instructed him to start a church, which he obeyed and started with his wife and children on July 2, 2000.”

Speaking on marriage failure, Oku advised couples to get it right at the beginning.

He said: “I have seen people who say, ‘God said.’ But the next year after their wedding, they are fighting. Did God change His mind? Some say the pastor advised them to marry and things like that. But the marriage ends up in the trash. I believe God is no longer in the business of matchmaking. His word already tells us that whoever finds a wife, finds a good thing. Where you meet your wife is irrelevant.

What is important is what can you make of the marriage.

“The point I am making is that we should learn to take responsibility and not put the blame on God when our marriages fail. In my case, I was the one who made the decision not to marry the first woman because of what God showed me in my dream. I could as well have gone ahead to marry her. But I weighed the risk and talked to myself. So, also God will not force a woman on us. It is for us to decide.

“You must first do a checklist of the things you like about the woman and the things you don’t like. If the things you like outweigh the ones you don’t like, then you are good to go. But if not, then you need to think. Most of the time when we say ‘God said,’ it is not that God has told us anything; it is our own emotion that is speaking to us.

”I, sometimes, wonder why God does not always tell university graduates to marry pepper sellers? Only on very rare occasions do you see such combinations. And usually, it could be that the university graduate made the mistake of sleeping with the pepper seller and end up marrying her. So, we should stop deceiving ourselves and take responsibility,” he stated.

The cleric disclosed that pastors’ marriages alsofail, adding that men of God’s marriages suffer setbacks because many don’t carry their wives along in their careers.

Sharing his experience while attending his degree programme at the University of Lagos, Oku said: “In those years when I was still doing my degree programme at the University of Lagos, I used to take my wife to campus to see life on campus. I was not a graduate when we married. We were already married when I started going to school too. One of the mistakes we make as pastors is that we don’t carry our wives along as we grow. If we must enjoy our marriage, we must ensure our wives are also increasing in knowledge and exposure along with us.”

He admonished men to always invest in their wives during their productive years and also ensure that they go out with their wives.

“Many years ago, we used to go out on Sundays for lunch. There is perhaps no big eatery in Lagos that I have not taken my wife to. I remember I used to drive home to pick my wife in Orile when I was working in The Guardian Newspapers Press. So, we could go and have lunch in Victoria Island. Those things strengthened our union.

“Every woman will be valued by the price tag you place on her. In those early years, when I saw young girls dress well, I would sketch the dress and ask my wife to sew that kind of dress,” he said.

On submission and women’s role in the family, Mrs Goodness Oku observed that, “in most cases, pride, arrogance and ego are causes of delay in marriage for women. There are a few cases of demonic manipulation, but usually, what you find is that the lady, because of her education and status, is not ready to submit to a man. I believe if a woman wants her marriage to work, it will work. If two agree, it will work. There must be agreement. I made up my mind that this marriage must work; and, it is working.”