Many children do not know that their parents love them. Also many wives do not know that their husbands love them and vice versa. The same also applies to spouses. Any love that is secret is of no value. If you have secret love for your children or your spouse, it is useless. It is of no value.

If you truly love your children, let them know that you love them. If you truly love your spouse, let him or her and the whole world know and see your love. Children, if you truly love your parents, let them know that you love them. As a parent, your number one goal is to let your children know and feel that you love them. You have to pursue this vigorously. The goal of every husband should be to pursue and vigorously show to your wife that you love her and vice versa.

A mother narrated an experience with her son that broke her heart. According to her, her son braced up and told her his opinion of her.

He said: “Mummy, even though you say that you love me, I do not believe it. Your actions towards me do not suggest that you love me at all. In fact, I recently nursed the idea of running away from home into the streets, anywhere just so I can get away from your constant shouts and nags that have almost made me insane. You constantly berate me over every mistake I make in the name of correcting me. I am fed up.” We are not suggesting that children should communicate their feelings in the equally harsh manner; the boy responded above. We prefer the strategy of those children who bring complaints to their parents in a serious honourable way.

With tears in her eyes, she held her 14-year-old son, pleading for his forgiveness. She had not the slightest idea she was pushing her son away by her constant harsh corrections. As parents, do not discipline a child away.

No child or spouse is 100 per cent bad. Search out and commend him or her in that little five per cent where there is some good in your child or spouse, express your love in that five per cent area. This strategy will make you succeed better in working on crucial areas of the other 70 – 90 per cent of misbehaviour. Love you!

• Bishop Charles Ighele is the General Superintendent of Holy Spirit Mission, Lagos.