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Getting killed by computer!

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On a particular Saturday morning, Moses Uyoka was having his bath. He was charging his laptop computer with plans to work on it an hour later. He was happy that ‘Almighty NEPA’ gave them power that very morning. He was a bachelor and still looking forward to a brighter future. Moses had been unemployed for many years after graduation, but it seemed mother luck smiled on him that month as he got a job as a computer operator and his employers gave him a laptop computer to enhance his skill and efficiency. Moses had suffered so much in his life, and this job came as a relief. Just as he continued bathing he heard a sound that came from his parlour. It sounded like something dropping on the floor. He thought he must have locked the door leading to his parlour.

“Who is that?” he asked, really worried. But he got no answer.“I said who is that?” he asked for the umpteenth time, but he got no answer again. Instantly, he became suspicious that it could be a burglar because he wasn’t expecting anyone around that time. In a twinkling of an eye he remembered he was charging his laptop computer before he entered the bathroom. Then surprisingly, he heard loud bang of his door and rushing sound of footsteps.

It immediately dawned on him that it must be a thief! At that very moment he was covered with soap from head to toe. He quickly used water to clean his eyes and grabbed his towel, then rushed out of the bathroom. In a flash, he saw that his laptop computer was missing where he placed it! He ran towards the door leading to his parlour and he saw the thief running away with his it, heading for the main road. The computer thief was running like a wild dog, with the laptop cleverly dodged under his armpit. Moses followed him with all his might, running the great race of his life. Moses was a tall, dark-skinned and lanky young man, and he was in his early 20s, so he had all the raw energy to pursue this good-for-nothing, motherfu..ker thief.

As Moses pursued him, chasing him with vigour and might, he was shouting: “Ole! Thief! Thief!”But the computer thief continued running without looking back. As Moses continued the chase he didn’t realize that his towel had dropped from his waist for the past few minutes on the road, and he was also covered with soap from head to toe. People wondered at the strange scenario! A naked, young man running after a thief holding a laptop computer on a Saturday morning! They thought it must be movie or some kind of reality drama taken place across the road. Passersby and residents of the streets concluded that they must be shooting a great film or movie! They thought it was too strange to believe.

All this while Moses was still chanting, “Thief! Thief! Help me grab him!” The hot chase continued unabated. Moses’ thoughts was focused on retrieving his computer because his survival depended on it. The thief was now running like a cheetah, the fastest animal in the world. But Moses was never tired and relentless. Omo Onidan was the nickname of the dark-skinned, tall and muscular thief. He was a notorious burglar in Surulere, Lagos.Somehow, as the thief was about crossing the road to the other side in that amazing pace, a speeding motorist knocked the bloody thief down.

He fell down instantly, in pains but the laptop was still under his armpit, despite the crash. He became unconscious and suffered a broken leg. In a jiffy Moses was around to claim his laptop back from him. Moses gave the thief six powerful punches in quick succession.“Got you at last, you nitwit and numskull!” screamed Moses, “May God punish you with all His vengeance!”Moses instantly collected his laptop and grabbed the thief from his trouser, around his belt. He continued hitting the thief with annoyance.

“You’ll rot in hell, you son-of-a-bitch!” Moses charged madly at him.A huge crowd had gathered at the scene of the incident. It was at this moment that people realised it wasn’t a movie, but a case of plain theft or larceny. The next minute, two policemen appeared at the scene. The thief was arrested despite having a broken leg.

“Why are you naked, mister man?” one of the officers asked Moses after a long pause.It was then Moses realised that he had been naked all this while. He was so surprised. He took in a long breath before narrating all that happened that very morning. Instantly, someone borrowed him a boxer to wear. He thanked the elderly man who showed him the kind gesture. The thief, Omo Onidan, was taken to the Lagos Orthopaedic Hospital because his right leg was broken in the accident. He spent three months in the hospital. When he was discharged from the hospital the police arraigned him in court and he was sentenced to three years imprisonment with hard labour by a Lagos High Court.

Moses would never forget that day in a hurry. He wondered how the vulture-eyed thief broke into his apartment at the exact time he was having his bath and fled with a machine that would make life better and easier for him. Though, he ran naked on the road to retrieve it, it was an embarrassment that paid off at the end of the day because his employers would have sacked him for negligence.


In this article:
Moses Uyoka
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