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Finding happiness: The secret of true living – Part 1


Lanre Olusola

“An Individual has not started LIVING until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity” – Martin Luther King Jr.

Having life and being alive are by the grace of God but living is your responsibility. You cannot pursue happiness, it has to be experienced.  Happiness is synonymous with fulfilment, satisfaction, contentment, joy and bliss. Happiness is the outcome of an inner understanding. Living is Happiness and Happiness is Living.

Happiness is an internal feeling, its an expression or showing of pleasure. Happiness does not come from the East, West, North or south; happiness comes from within.


Living and happiness are both about:
1) Knowing and accepting who you are
2) Knowing what us really important to you
3) Knowing why you’re here on earth
4) Being yourself- BEING YOU.

“Happiness is never achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is the result of other activities”- Aldous Huxley.

“The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you’ll never find it”
C.P, Snow

The six basic things you need to know about happiness:
1) Trying to set happiness as a goal is like shooting a gun with blank bullets hoping to kill game. (You simply won’t achieve it)
2) Happiness comes from the heart
3) Happiness is experienced as a feeling; a sort of emotional reward of satisfaction and fulfilment. You feel joy from within
4) Happiness is not the answer or an answer its an OUTCOME
5) Happiness is an attitude; it is a state of being
6) Happiness is a lifestyle

Living happily is an ATTITUDE and STATE of being.

These are a few steps to happiness:
1) Learn to release yourself from the past, offences and offenders
2) Live in the present- Enjoy life in the now
3) Take personal responsibility for LIVING and your HAPPINESS.
(a) Pay the price- Make sacrifices for happiness
(b) Go for your dreams
(c) Be proactive- Make taking the right action at the right time a lifestyle
(d) Know your limits- Set your boundaries
(e) Daily take charge of the small as well as big things in your life
(f) Know thyself
(g) Be your BEST self ALWAYS – Show up as your BEST each day
(h) Have a Healthy Self Esteem- be SELF CONFIDENT AND HAVE SELF BELIEF
(i) Be selfless- Be Generous (Help others without reward)
(j) Know your purpose and live purposefully
(k) Decide to live life to the FULLEST and be HAPPY ALWAYS
(l) Constantly declare your happiness- Using positive confessions for happiness.

Here is how you can practically take the above steps towards happiness:

1) Learning to let go:

“ Letting go is having the courage to allow the truth to come about”.

Recognise your negative unhappy patterns, and decide to change them, let go of your resistance and fear. (Create a log book that captures your moods over each week and as you feel it ask what did I think before the feeling and change your thoughts)

You have to decide to seek what you want in your life instead and prepare to leave your comfort zone. Eliminate every limiting ad disempowering thought of unhappiness.

Activate your positive happy power over those negative thoughts, words, feelings and actions- constantly release the negative and immediately replace with positives.

“In order to get what you want in life, you will have to go all the attachments that have held you back from it until now”.

“ Do not let your mind bully your body in to believing it must carry the burden of its worries”
– Astrid Alauda.

Let go of any offence or offender because as you hold on to offences and offenders, you hold yourself bound and you remain on the same spot in the past.
You need to learn to FORGIVE.

“Inner peace can be reached only when we practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of the past, and is therefore the means for correcting our misperceptions”- Gerald jampolskly.

Develop and Maintain the right relationships.

The people you attract and associate with to a large entrant influence the kinds of thoughts you have, behaviors and habits you exhibit.

I often say “show me your relationships and networks and I will accurately predict your future”
Your relationship with your partner particularly can derail your happiness and fulfillment journey.
If you marry the wrong person you’re doomed to a life of sadness, irritation, pain, trauma etc.
Choose wisely and develop the right skills, acquire the right knowledge, insight and wisdom to bring out the best in your relationship or marriage.
BEaWARE Marriage is a critical success or failure factor for many.

2)  Living in the present- ENJOY NOW:

Nothing ever happened in the past, it all happened in the present (NOW). Nothing will ever happen in the future. It is our now that creates our future. You can have anything you want in life, but you’ve got to learn to want, appreciate, use and enjoy what you have now. Stop worrying about what you don’t have and start appreciating, using and enjoying what you have now.

“With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now”- Ralph Waldo Emerson.

3) Taking personal responsibility for living and for your happiness.

This week we will be focusing on the first 5 steps you need in taking personal responsibility for living and for your happiness.

(a) Pay the price: Not taking responsibility may be less demanding, it’s more comfortable. It is easier to just blame the problems or someone else for where you are in life. In order to live your life however, you have to pay a price and make sacrifices. When you don’t take responsibility for your life, you give away your personal power. “ A sign of wisdom and maturity is when you come to terms with the realization that your decisions cause your rewards and consequences. You are responsible for your life, and your ultimate success depends on the choices you make”- Denis Waitly

(b) Go for your dreams: By taking responsibility for living, we not only gain control of what happens in our lives but It also becomes natural to feel like we deserve more un life as our self-esteem builds and we do the right things more consistently. We feel better about ourselves, we often realize that we are the only ones standing in our own way and in the way of our success. You need to remove the inner resistance you feel and believe that you actually deserve what you want and go after your dreams NOW.

“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.”
Dale Carnegie


(c) Make taking action neutral: it is often said that your thoughts become your actions. However, without taking responsibility for living those thoughts often just stay in a mental realm and never get translated in to actions. Taking responsibility for living is that extra ingredient that makes taking action neutral. Do not get stuck in just thinking or wishing, be proactive not passive because faith without works is dead.

(d) Know your limits and determine your boundaries: Taking responsibility for living is great but incidentally it is also impossible for you to have control over every experience in your life. You cannot also control every result for your actions. For example, you cannot control how someone else reacts to what you say or what you do. It is therefore very important to know your limits and draw your boundaries otherwise you will create a lot of unnecessary suffering for yourself and waste energy and valuable time by taking responsibility for what you cant and never really could control.

“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.”

If you feel like you deserve to experience life and live life happily and would like us to coach you through this journey send us an email or call 08077077000

The Catalyst, Lanre Olusola  Africa’s Premier Life, Mind, Emotions & Behavioural Change Coach


In this article:
Lanre Olusola
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