Someone once said that people do not listen to understand, they always listen to reply. One of the things they do is quarrelling in advance, that is, planning what to say before they hear their spouses, friends and parents, among others.    For instance, “when he/she comes, this is what I will say and if he says this, I will do this or I will give him a piece of my mind.”
 
The truth is, you are simply having a one-man conference. It is not a mature way of handling issues. Such people end up living by reaction not by response. If you are such a person, develop a strong and healthy self-image of yourself. Give people the benefit of the doubt, instead of having an insinuated reply in advance.
 
If you have some hurts in you, deal with those hurts instead of transferring the hurt in form of quarrelling in advance. When you live a life like this, you end up making imaginary enemies. Life is too short to end up wasting it on quarrels.
 
As a spouse, parent, worker or whoever you are, do not quarrel in advance. Look at where you think, you are wrong. Even if what you want to say is the truth, you are not using it to build relationship, you are using the truth as a weapon. And when you do that, there will never be an end to such a quarrel because you have made deposits for the fight in your mind. Whatever you do not mean to withdraw from your mind, do not deposit it inside your mind in a bid to attack someone or defend yourself.
 
Stop quarrelling in advance. Control yourself no matter how hurt you are. Deposit integrity in your relationship, family and marriage. You might not be able to control what they think, but you can control the outcome of their thought through intentional plans to understand your spouse, parents, friends, children, neighbours, business partners and, even, colleagues at work, instead of planning what to say before the issue is even brought up or before you even see the person. At every situation or circumstance that you find yourself, direct that energy to understand the root cause of the matter, instead of building up explosives. Love you!
• Bishop Charles Ighele is the General Superintendent of Holy Spirit Mission, Lagos.