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Women who proposed marriage

By Bishop Charles Ighele
01 December 2019   |   4:01 am
When Carol and I were in courtship, we got close to a lady who became our mutual acquaintance. She was bent on proposing marriage to a man. We seriously advised her not to do so.

When Carol and I were in courtship, we got close to a lady who became our mutual acquaintance. She was bent on proposing marriage to a man. We seriously advised her not to do so.

But she did not see anything wrong in a woman proposing to a man she loves. Her argument was that, Ruth proposed marriage to Boaz in the Bible. The truth is that the Jewish custom and the custom presently being practised in my home town and some other places is that a woman can decide to pick any male relative as her husband, upon the death of her original husband. This was what Naomi guided Ruth to do. The man not only rejected her, but was also very angry with her. She was so ashamed of herself.

Since around 1960, people have become freer to do what they want. A collective sense of what is wrong and what is right has since given way to people thinking and behaving the way they choose to. It should, therefore, not be a surprise that more females are of the view that they can walk up to a man and say “I love you.”

A lady proposed to a man she probably assumed was too shy to make the move. He blatantly refused.

Her sense of self-importance and beauty definitely started to decrease. And this is what happens to many females who propose marriage to men.
The shame is huge, unless such a female has totally lost her sense of shame.

There are, however, some cases of men who agreed to marry the females that proposed to them. But from my knowledge as a marriage and family counselor, some of those men agreed because they wanted to have free sex for some time. They will pretend along but after some time, they zoom off. Such females are left licking their wounds and filled with painful memories of how foolish they were to have used their bodies, time, money and emotions on a complete crook.

I have also discovered that a large number of women, who proposed marriage to their husbands and eventually got married, ended in divorce. In a case that was brought to my attention sometime ago, the man decided to divorce his wife simply because he did not propose marriage to her, after fifteen years of having wedded her in a church.

In the marriages of another group of women that proposed marriage to their husbands, many of such women are struggling to keep their marriages. It’s like the case of what a preacher said many years ago, “What you struggle to get, you struggle to keep.”

There are still a few cases out there of people who got married where the man enjoyed being proposed to and still enjoys being pursued in the marriage, while the woman enjoyed proposing to the man and still enjoys pursuing him and doting all over him. But this is not normal. The way God wired the male and the female is for the male to propose to the female. Proverbs 18:22 reflects it this way, “Whoever finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour of the Lord.” It is the man, therefore, that should do the finding. The best a lady should do, if she thinks she loves a man, is to pray for God to direct such a man to look her way. Love you.

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