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Different strokes for different folks…


This is actually an experience that a reader shared with me.‘’When I come across certain claims by women…I laugh. Especially when they claim that a guy they did so much for paid them back with a bad coin.

Let me even start by asking women if there is anything they do for a guy without some serving motives attached? I mean, most women that assist a man economically would want to OWN his life.

I would not have had issues with such mindset-as we (all of us…yes!) are actually selfish to varying degrees but the attitude with which some women go about these things is unbelievable.

I got married about a year ago to a wonderful lady who understood that my struggles (at the time we met) are not my destiny. Prior to meeting my wife, I was involved with another lady in Abuja. She met me when I was grappling with unemployment and it probably looked to her that one didn’t know what he was doing.

You see, nothing brings forth impatience (almost to the point of irritation) in ladies than when they meet a man who is not exactly as they desired. Instantly, most of them downsize you, with the ugliest of attitudes. But one would expect that a lady who claims to know what she wants would recognize a gem when she sees one. I read engineering for goodness sake and didn’t leave school with bad grades, either.

The lady and I became friends.In no time, she began to invite me to her house where we would share her (often bought…she NEVER cooks!) meals. And thereafter…’you know what’ follows.

Many more similar routines followed. She would call me to come keep her company a few times in a week, we would share meals and then….you know? Except that naïve me began to feel that she was fond of me and actually began to dream about a future with her.

Yet, a certain nagging thought won’t just go away!
The reason is that her actions were almost a pattern…call him over in the evenings, give him food, rush him into sex…when his food has barely digested and then the next thing I hear when one is spent and trying to catch some rest is ‘‘oya, come and start going’’. This happened several times more and I knew immediately the nature of my usefulness to her. I wanted a committed relationship-not one of convenience.

So, I began to make myself unavailable. It was also at this period that I met the lady that is now my wife. What I find amusing is that the first lady could actually go telling people that I was a guy she was feeding and that, as soon as I found my feet, I looked elsewhere for marriage.

I probably would not have lost sleep over her ‘ways’ but to think that she expected something more from me is the height of self-deceit which plaques a lot of women.

ATTITUDE is everything, ladies!
If that man will be good enough when he is a success, then mind how you treat him when he is down. Some of you are so shallow that you can’t separate chaffs from grains in relationships. It’s about NOW to most of you but tomorrow holds greater promises!I relocated to Port Harcourt, married and gainfully employed. You see, a woman saw potentials where another saw a liability.’’

This is one hell of a guy with shame and decency. The arrangement that turned him off is exactly what most guys of this age are looking for…free sex and free food. And they are game for as long as the free lunch lasts.

Hunter of ‘wealthy men/women’…please note that our guy shifted base and found balance in his life. You have been in Abuja (for example) for how many years-job hunting to no avail, so much so that you have had to resort to hunting for rich women/politicians to survive. Take a cue from this brother. Go try your job-hunting luck elsewhere. Sometimes, it pays more to shift base and try again. There may even be better job opportunities in your town than the so-called Abuja.

Skill acquisition is another thing…especially now that the Nigerian economy is in slumbers. Don’t plan your life around living off anybody. This brother was equipped with skills…his Engineering degree, to grab an opportunity that came his way.

What qualification/skill do you possess?
Without the necessary skills you will still be where you are, even when opportunity comes knocking.Do things differently and watch life turn out differently for you. The precious hours spent prowling on the social media in search of a rich man/woman is enough to set you on a path to self-sufficiency.

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