Ways to overcome unforgiveness

Some would say it should come naturally right? But, many people find it difficult to forgive because of the pain they experience involved at the time of said event which in turn makes it difficult to let go of.

Keep in mind that unforgiveness is a two way street… you may be the one who may have wronged others and needs to ask for forgiveness but pride got in the way. Writing a letter – but not for posting – to yourself about something that hurts or to someone that has hurt you in some way is a form of exercise that helps you to see beyond the hurt you are feeling. It also helps enable you to see and look at the other factors that might have influenced the event/situation/reason/the circumstances that may have surrounded it at the time.

Perhaps you feel trapped and unable to find peace within you because the person or persons you want to make amends with has/have passed on. In this instance, you could light a candle for the person or persons on their birthdays and talk to them. Tell the person or them how sorry you are and ask for forgiveness. It could be you letting the person know that you love and forgive him, her, or them. It is possible you could find this difficult to do, but this action will help free you of your pain.

As humans, we have many parts to our nature that at times slows us down, or blocks our progress altogether. This is the fear of getting hurt again, and also that of letting go of hurt because we do not want to get hurt again. It is important to get past this fear… forgive, free up the issue and move forward and allow yourself to be open, trusting and redevelop the relationship again. Does this make you vulnerable whereby you could be hurt again? Yes, it does, and it can be rather scary.

When you don’t completely forgive, you have a feeling of power whereby you feel justified. Being able to forgive yourself and or the other person or persons completely means accepting responsibility for your part and letting go of that power. Not completely acknowledging is probably the most difficult part. Do not limit your ability to grow, acknowledge your part and free yourself from the role of being a victim, which actually is only a temporary state of comfort.

Genuine forgiveness involves you taking action with respect to others with a loving and mature attitude whatever your age. Yes, it is a challenge; you need to be completely honest with yourself, and the other person or persons. Let go of the upset, anger, pain and so on within you, and no longer hold anything against someone or held against you. It’s not an easy process, but it is a healing one which is important and allows you to move forward with your life… Let love flow.

There Is More Than One Side to Forgiveness
There is so much more to forgiveness and definitely more than one side to it. You are either the one whom it is being requested from, or, you are the one asking for forgiveness, in that case you would normally start with an apology. Forgiveness covers a wide area of infractions of variable proportions from minor ones to major ones to more serious actions that could end up damaging the trust that had existed on a much deeper level.

Such actions, for example, could be driving whilst under the influence of alcohol and or drugs which could endanger lives, perhaps you or your partner were having an affair, perhaps you or your partner were unintentionally mentally and or physically abusing the other due to past experiences, or you just simply happened to forget to pick up a loaf of bread on your way home which might mean you and your partner won’t be able to have toast for breakfast. Forgiving is very important and vital to self, even for acts that appear unforgivable such as abandonment, abuse, violence etc.

It is an essential step that allows for one to move forward in life, and in many instances allows one to resolve the deep feelings of guilt, anger and resentment you carry within you that may be preventing you from, as well as intruding on your self confidence, your ability to form close relationships, or even having the ability to bond with your children or move forward in your career and work. By hanging on to past transgressions, be it yours or that of others, you are only allowing the toxin to fester within you which could lead to emotional, mental and physical ailments, for example, depression, stress, anxiety, anger, high blood pressure, digestive problems, heart disease and so on. Allow yourself to work positively to resolve your issues and have a forgiving nature instead of carrying the anger within you for weeks, months, or years and very sadly in some cases forever, be it toward a family member, friend or even toward someone who has passed on. Sadly, this is not unusual human behaviour. Learn to develop and grow a forgiving nature letting go of any anger you have inside you, and free yourself up from the unforgiving feelings within you.