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Where Tiwa got it wrong…


TiwaWhere Tiwa Got it Wrong… Was when she believed she was the one.
There you go.
I’ve said it.

Before you judge me for judging a woman for a man’s mischief, I implore you to read on.
By now so much has been said about the explosive social media storm Tee Billz’s posts online stirred that many may think there is nothing new under the sky to say about the erstwhile couple.

Many think pieces have run up countless column inches in the Nigerian papers and online – on anything from Tee Billz’s alleged depression and suicide attempt to his financial troubles, from Tiwa’s epic fail of an interview following the news of the breakdown of their marriage to Tee Billz’s epic failure as a husband.

Perhaps one fault that we all failed to pick, amongst Tiwa’s many other faults we ripped apart over the last two weeks, is where she had it all wrong – when she believed she was the one.

In last week’s, in my opinion, half-baked and ill-judged interview with Pulse Nigeria, Tiwa clearly admitted people had warned her against Tee Billz.

Deep inside, behind the steely exterior, we are all girls fed on fairy tales. While no grown woman would ever entertain the thought of being misled by Cinderella or Rapunzel, there is a little girl in all of us who secretly still believes in the presence of the knight in shining armour as much as she does in the possibility of happy ever after.

While no longer damsels in distress awaiting rescue, we still hold on to the mirage of being the one to change the “fine and troubled prince”. If you for a minute shelf the Grimm Tales and turn to Hamlet, you will find that literature warns of a watery end to such mighty delusions. Even then, in as much as we refute Cinderella, we all revert to Ophelia.

Tiwa is not the first, neither will she be the last. Look around you, how many stories have you been told or personally witnessed of women exploited, manipulated and abused by their men. And it is often women who we always thought as strong, self-assured and confident.

In complete contrast to the knight in shining armour who swoop in to rescue the damsel in distress there are predatory men in this world, sadly, who are wolves in sheep’s clothing who scarper in to chip away, tear apart and break down strong women. Flip the story of ‘the one’ who will love, cherish and honour their woman, that one true love leading to the happy ever after, those broken men women feel they are ‘one’ to change, tame, save a broken man.

A broken man can come in various forms – different devils, same old BS. A broken man is sometimes the serial cheater, sometimes the incurable alcoholic, or the goofing gambler. His brand of poison may be drugs or sex, his weakness his lack of direction, his appetite for women, his need for absolute power. His conditions many and way too complicated for this space or my basic grasp of basic psychological ailments.

Heard of the man who can’t help cheating on his wife?
The one who has stolen from his own wife to entertain another woman?
How about the one who reduces his woman to a shadow of her former self with his constant bullying?
The one who spends the baby’s food money on gambling?
The one who plays mind games with his woman to assert his power?
The one who tears into his wife at every opportunity whether it is over the way she mispronounced a word or the way she fails to make jollof the way his mother makes?

How much of the above have we heard Tiwa mention about the erstwhile love of her life? How many more men out there who fit the bill? It is only that the other Tiwas and their suffering go unseen, unheard, unreported.

We often focus so much on domestic abuse that we miss the fact that there are other forms of abuse sometimes far more harmful to a woman’s wellbeing and her self-confidence. Which is what such men prey on. Their modus operandi? Find an independent woman, court her for a period of time, once she is hook, line, sinker, the game is on. The manipulation begins.

First it may be a throwaway comment.
Or perhaps a twenty-pound note missing from her wallet every now and again.
Then there are the red herrings that the fairytale may turn out a psychological thriller after all. Warning signs or loud alarm bells, often ignored as the woman has already fallen prey; she will not hear.

She thinks she is the one to change him, mend him, save him. She is his one true love because he has told her so – as he is buying the top of the range car with her hard earned cash or booking exotic holidays with the side chick while she is away to have their baby. When called out or caught out, he will turn the tables against her – accuse her of jealousy, lack of trust, even of having mental issues, having no confidence when he is the one who took a complete woman and broke her apart piece by piece. She will still think that he will change, or that he is upset, or even that she is the one who has messed up.

What she doesn’t know is she is one of many – lefts bruised, battered, broken once the chips land where they fall.
So there you go.
This is where Tiwa had it all wrong.
She thought she was the one.

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  • hugh

    women too abuse men please

    • Oma Omenazu

      Is that all you got from this article? Now tell me, how many men are being abused in Africa as compared to what the womenfolks receive from their partners on daily basis. With our kind of culture and believe system it is hard to say men are mostly abused because the african tradition shield the men and makes them untouchable.

      • True. Women suffer more and easily abused especially when a Woman earns more. Some cant stand the success of their women. So who do you blame? Honestly most men are guilty and not humble enough to accept their faults. He is probably carried away with the idea that women fends for the men, especially in the Southwest region.
        Success of every marriage is when both party help and possibly contributes. Bail me very other day doesn’t work.

  • Ifeanyi Vhykthor

    We really weren’t living with them….so we can’t take sides and judge teebillz. He’s accusation against tiwa might also be true…. Let’s not be one-sided

    • nana

      prove his accusations then…….
      Dear men if I cheat on you have some pride and step out….. no dramatics not noise making just plainly step out!

  • uche

    Men of these days lack self respect and they are not ready to work.My advice to all ladies be independent we are powerful, Valuable, and deserve more respect than we ever imagined.

    • Amwe Yaks

      I disagree my dear

  • david

    I guess u guys are just doing PR for Tiwa. As far as am concern they both go into d relationship Base on protecting their benefit n d moment the other part is not delivering it becomes an issue. But I will still blame Tee blillz for he was carriedaway by Tiwa success, he lost focus on his career n concentrate on Tiwa. They both fail in this marriage.

    • Point of correction. Which carrier are you referring to? Tunji is a nobody. He lied all the way and got her. Stole her life and even have the guts to complain. How on earth can you accuse people without any iota of proof that they are sleeping with your wife?

      On the other hand, this writer was apt. “She thought she was the one” and I agree. She go it all wrong big time. She will rise again and better without Tee Blitz.

  • Austin John

    I guess the author is equally misled. It is true tee billz fraud tiwa, it is true the husband cheated on her but don’t forget how he also invested in her career from the scratch. He gamble on her with his time and money and it paid off. The day tiwa lost her home was when she sacked his husband as her manager. Do you smile at people that take away your means of livelihood? She was never physically abused. I am not supporting Tee irresponsible ways. They both messed up. Period. Tiwa saying she was warned not to marry him is a low point for her. She knew every thing about him before she jumped into the marriage. Tiwa should be humble next time when she get another man and she should remember to cook for him and warm the bed ? regularly.

  • Flash

    Before the guy almost went crazy he might have suffered much abuse in the hands of a super star wife. His irresponsible ways though not excused could be mere coping mechanisms. Tiwa put her marriage on the line the day she implemented the advice to sack her husband as her manager. The adviser (s ) must be celebrating now!

    • Your Tee is a gold digger. His ex wife and kids are in Los Angeles.
      Sirach (Ecclesiasticus) chapter 9:

  • daniel abu

    Sirach (Ecclesiasticus) chapter 9:
    2: Do not give yourself to a woman so that she gains mastery over your strength.
    3: Do not go to meet a loose woman, lest you fall into her snares.
    4: Do not associate with a woman singer, lest you be caught in her intrigues.
    5: Do not look intently at a virgin, lest you stumble and incur penalties for her.
    6: Do not give yourself to harlots lest you lose your inheritance.
    8: Turn away your eyes from a shapely woman, and do not look intently at beauty belonging to another; many have been misled by a woman’s beauty, and by it passion is kindled like a fire.

  • vincent ovo

    This article is pointless at this point in time. All the couple needs at a time like this is prayers and not blames for who was right or wrong. They both had their flaws and could have as well manage it with the right counsel in view.

  • Rev

    No person copying the ways of the world…Has peace.