No More Shrinking: A Performance Tool for Women Who Are Done Playing Small by Dr. Abiola Salami is a powerful and deeply relatable book that speaks to women who have unconsciously learned to reduce themselves because of how society has shaped them. It addresses the fear many women carry the fear of being seen, of being heard, of being considered “too much.”
From the corporate space to leadership and public visibility, the book exposes how women are often encouraged to succeed quietly, without drawing attention to their achievements, and how this lack of visibility leads to missed recognition despite years of hard work and excellence. It inspires women to stop lowering their voices and to step fully into who they are and reminds women that they are not too small, not too loud, and not wrong for wanting more. Instead, they are powerful, capable, and deserving of space.
Dr. Salami shows that shrinking may feel safe, but it comes at a high cost because every time a woman chooses silence out of fear or humility, that space is often filled by someone else. Through the stories and lessons in the book, women are encouraged to put themselves out there, to be seen, and to use their voices not only for personal growth but also to inspire other women.
The book opens with the story of Adanna, a Lagos-based corporate powerhouse who serves as Head of Strategy at a top FMCG company. Despite her achievements and global nomination for a prestigious summit, Adanna doubts herself and fears that she does not belong in that space. Her hesitation reflects a common experience for many high-achieving women who, despite their competence, struggle with visibility and self-belief. Through the encouragement of her friend Lola, Adanna realises that shrinking feels comfortable but is expensive. Each time she hides, opportunities slip away, and she understands that humility should never require invisibility. This story clearly sets the tone for the book, reminding women who have already built strong foundations for themselves that this is not the time to lower their standards or dim their
light, but to aim higher and take their rightful place.
Another powerful narrative in the book is the story of Zainab, a woman with a deep interest in politics who is repeatedly told that women do not hold space or authority in that field. Zainab challenges this belief, holding firmly to the idea that silence in the face of suffering is betrayal. Her story reframes ambition, making it clear that ambition is not arrogance and certainly not un-African. Through her journey, the book highlights the resistance women face when they choose to be bold, while also reinforcing the importance of standing firm despite societal pushback.
The book also explores the idea that many women build walls around themselves, believing that more can be achieved behind closed doors. However, Dr. Salami argues that the real work and impact happen outside, in society, where women’s voices, truths, and stories are needed. The story of Tomi Ojo further emphasises the importance of rest and boundaries, showing that trying to be everything to everyone often leads to burnout. The book reminds women that rest is not
weakness, and that constantly pleasing others comes at the cost of self.
As the narrative progresses, the women come together at a summit where they confront who they were before the world told them who to be. In that space, they learn to take pride in their achievements and reclaim their voices. The moment they stop doubting themselves becomes the moment their silence turns into control, and their voices begin to carry authority and
influence.
One of the most striking lessons in the book is the idea that love should never cost a woman her voice. Dr. Salami states that any love that silences a woman is not love but control disguised as care. Through Adanna’s relationship, the book reveals how subtle discouragement and condescension can pressure women into believing that success is best achieved quietly. Adanna’s decision to reject this belief and embrace public speaking and visibility becomes a bold act of self-affirmation and leadership.
The book also addresses how not every opportunity is truly an opportunity, as some open doors are polished traps that require women to dim their values, silence their voices, or support broken systems. A recurring message throughout the book is the importance of choosing oneself as a woman. No one else can make that decision for you. The book repeatedly reinforces the power women hold and how much they are capable of achieving when they stop shrinking and start showing
up fully.
It challenges societal expectations that have limited women’s growth and encourages courage over fear, reminding readers that being liked is not a prerequisite for leadership or success. As Dr. Salami states that speaking up does not make a woman difficult, it makes her visible.
