Renowned international speaker and female empowerment coach, Rev. (Mrs.) Funke Felix-Adejumo, spoke with NIKE SOTADE on the challenges of womanhood and her experience as a wife of over 30 years. She also spoke about her yearly Women on the Winning Edge Conference.
LOOKING gorgeous and charming in her 50s, the sense of style of Rev. Funke Felix-Adejumo cannot be faulted in her ever-elegant dress-to-suit-the-occasion and decent outfits. But there’s more to this charming woman than just her colourful gait – a strong motivational speaker, author, philanthropist, marriage counsellor and internationally-acclaimed preacher, who has helped to shape the lives of several women with her ministry.

Felix-Adejumo, who has been married for over 30 years, reveals the secret of what has kept her marriage going. “My husband and I have actually been married for 31years. The major and greatest force in our marriage is the Almighty and that is not to sound religious. It is what God keeps that is kept. John 3:27 is my favourite Scripture: ‘A man can receive nothing except it be given him from heaven.’
God did not create a world in which He will not be needed. He instituted marriage in the first instance. So, He is the greatest marriage expert and consultant.

Both of us are born again Christians, so we don’t joke with our relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. This reflects in the way we love and honour each other. It reflects in the way we handle misunderstandings. It reflects in everything we do.
“My husband and I pray together every day. When we are not together, we pray on the phone. Remember we did not start traveling separately until a few years ago. That was before technology came into the picture.

We also agreed on transparency and honesty. We agreed that this would be the trademark of our relationship. There’s nothing we don’t discuss. And I mean absolutely nothing, including the minutest details of life. We tell ourselves the absolute truth. What nobody on earth can tell us. We confront ourselves. And our bedroom has remained our ‘court room’ for years. We are also committed to making the marriage work. Divorce is not an option for us. That has been our cliché from the beginning. No matter how threatened our relationship is, we agreed that divorce would never be an option. We believe in ourselves and we collaborate on everything,” she said.

She has advice for singles: “My husband is my only and best friend and I am his. I always encourage singles to marry their friends. Don’t marry someone you don’t like or you struggle to like. It won’t last. A true friend is somebody that knows where you stink but still remains faithful and loyal. We are our ‘besties,’ unconditional love is the secret. I love you for who you are not what you have. This is the love my precious husband and I share.”

We want affirmation, validation, someone who will speak highly of us in the public. We want a role model to our children; a friend, not a boss; a decent man not a flirt, someone who speaks our love language, who is responsible enough to take good care of our financial and emotional needs.

Confirming that many working women complain that family commitments slow them down in their career pursuits, she relates her own experience and how she was able to cope.

“God has blessed me with one of the most responsible family men on earth. When our marriage was young and we were raising our kids, my husband was involved committedly. We raised the kids together. He is a family man par excellence. He helped with school runs. He put the children and me before church work and ministry. His principle is: God first, family next, God’s work/career third! This disposition simplified my life extensively. There were times when my husband will tell me to rest while he rocked the baby to sleep. I’m grateful to the Lord and to him for this. It helped a great deal in the pursuit of my career and ministry.”

For women who have issues with their husbands, she explains the rules of getting around it. “The greatest need of a man is not sex; he can get that from a prostitute if he’s not born again, and of course contract venereal disease. It is not food; he can get that from any good restaurant. A man’s greatest need is respect, particularly public respect from his wife. Some women disrespect their husbands. It is the man you treat like a king that will treat you like a queen. Give your husband the highest level of respect and honour in your culture and watch him bloom in his love for you.
“There’s no honour I will give to any human being on earth, including my spiritual mentors, anybody at that if I have not given it to my husband. After the Lord Jesus Christ, my husband is the only king in my kingdom and the only Emperor in my empire.”

This motivational speaker, who speaks to thousands of women globally, reveals their greatest fears. “It is the same with women everywhere and the greatest concern is security. Women worry a lot about the future. We are all bothered with what does it hold for us and the children? We are concerned with whether our children will turn out well. Will our husbands remain faithful?”

On conflict resolution in a marriage, she says: “I will say it all boils down to the tongue and temper. If these two are properly managed by husband and wife, there will be less stress in marriage. Some men don’t treat their wives well. To them a woman is a necessary evil, a baby-manufacturing machine and a glorified slave. This mentality is absolutely wrong. Your wife is an integral part of your life and should be treated with dignity.
“Also, the wife should honour her husband. Don’t prove to your husband that you are in competition with him. Just compliment him. Even when you are hurting or angry, don’t be rude. Relate well with your in-laws. Don’t be mean to people. Anybody can become great. No one knows tomorrow.”

She speaks further on the concept of total submission as it relates to the modern woman. “Biblically speaking, submission is neither subjugation nor slavery. Only insecure men oppress their wives, and I say that with every sense of responsibility. When you see a man that does not allow his wife to shine or give expression to God’s grace in her life, it is not proper. He may look bold and loud but he’s definitely struggling with serious complex issues.
“Anything that has more than one head is a monster. As a woman, you allow your husband to be the leader and you prayerfully and graciously assist him,” she advised.
Reverend Felix-Adejumo also gave an ambiguous answer to the concept of full house wife. “Yes and No,” she said. “Yes, because there may be a season when a woman needs to be a full time house wife for the sake of her children but it should not be the norm. Full-time house wife is Full-Time Suffering Plc” (laughter).

She explains the vision behind her yearly Women’s Winning Edge Conference. “Out of a constant thirst for God and his mandate on earth, the vision of Women on the Winning Edge Conference was born. This is a godly calling to all women to pump self-confidence into them; to raise godly women who will build good homes, raise godly children who would be wealthy and stand toe-to-toe with other women of various cadres without denying the faith.

It is an international conference aimed at ministering to women of all ages and strata with the hope of prayerfully and Biblically discussing key issues as they affect the woman, her purpose, her future and her dignity. It is for the woman; it is a large umbrella which includes the single parent, married, divorced, career woman, politician, mature, single, widow, etc. Whatever category she falls, as long as she is a woman, the Winning Edge family will be there for her.

“It’s also our opportunity to lead the unsaved to the Lord and equally strengthen women in particular as we prayerfully and Biblically discuss women issues like relationship with the Lord, career, singleness, marriage, leadership, abuse, divorce, widowhood, infidelity, violence, parenting and others in a relaxed atmosphere where God’s presence is consciously honoured,” she added.

Agreeing that many men always agonise that they cannot seem to understand their women, she defines what women really want from their men. “Women want men they can look up to. We want affirmation, validation, someone who will speak highly of us in the public. We want a role model to our children; a friend, not a boss; a decent man not a flirt, someone who speaks our love language, who is responsible enough to take good care of our financial and emotional needs. We want God-fearing men who can defend and stand up to defend us.”