A man’s gift…

That whatever ‘gift’ most men give to a woman that is neither their wife nor related to them in any way is not for nothing, and they expect to be rewarded accordingly (deep down)-I have learned!

At a bar sometime back, a man caused a scene a few hours before mid-night…a man that every member of the live band that was on the entertainment stand suddenly focused on because he was ‘spraying’ them heavily with money. He just removes the rubber band on a bundle and scatters the cash on a particular female singer. When that one could not get enough of his ‘goodness’-she went to sit on his laps, as she was singing…only going back to the stage with more money in her hand. When our man was ready to take his leave, he signaled to the female singer to accompany him to his destination.

The lady probably explained that she couldn’t leave -as the band still had more guests to entertain. Our man could not believe her audacity (?) and he flared up, some of the things he said to her in a raised voice were ‘’do you know how much I have wasted on your useless band because of you? You can’t tell me stories now-no, no, no. I won’t take that from you. This is not the first time you are giving me such excuses.’’

All the ‘’chairman, calm down’’ from the management and bouncers at the bar could not make him lower his voice until he was whisked away…to the relief of the lady, who was very embarrassed or so-she seemed.

That actually reminded me of a man that I met some years back, who despite being told that I was not ready for a relationship at the time, still insisted that he just wanted to be a ‘friend’. He started by throwing ‘favours’ my way; whatever I looked at twice got delivered at my doorstep the next day. But the only request I made of him, which was to assist me settle the cost of an international certification examination that I wanted so much to write at the time, was greeted with: ‘’When are you coming to see me?’’

Nobody explained to me that it was time for me to go declare the dividends of the awoof that was threatening to ‘run my belly.’ I also learned to put my ‘long throat’ in check-for good. He never contacted me again- after I failed to ‘visit’ to ‘thank’ him…neither did I ask anything from him again.

To the men…as much as you can, please learn to define the ‘rules of engagement’ under which you are dispensing ‘whatever’ favour to a lady. It is not every lady that is actually taken in by that disposition of being quick with favours.

So, it becomes insulting for a lady that did not ask you for the ‘favour’ that you are rather quick with, or the cash that you are spending left, right and center, to get a ‘’when are you coming to see me’’ attitude from you. Did she beg you?

To the ladies, please ensure that you understand the implied MOU (memorandum of understanding) before you take a penny or even make any request from a “non-relative” male.

If he expects some ‘dividends’ for his efforts and you can’t play ball…please do not lead him on and please, please…leave his money alone!Making a man feel like a mugu (fool) is enough to make most of them feel murderous.

It actually pays to rein in your ‘long throat’-if you are not ready to deliver the dividends of his strings-attached generosity to him. “Free lunch” is fast dwindling in the affairs of men and women of this age.

Even in some supposed matters of the heart, the implied code is …”if it’s going to be about my body, your cash has to talk.” And vice versa. Or what most of us have come to know as “money for hand-back for ground.”

Pathetic, right?
That’s how much we have reduced love…which should actually reflect nothing but selflessness and goodness from the heart.

You know some ‘goodness’ screams ‘motive on board’?
A lady once told me that when she was in a relationship with the last man she dated before she met her husband, he seemed to know her needs without her asking. Somewhere along the line, it became obvious that they were ill-suited for marriage and came to an amicable resolution for each person to try his/her luck elsewhere while still remaining good friends. But it just seemed that all his care towards her left with the “intimate” part of the relationship because the few times she made an effort to ask for favours…the response she got was a cold “I will think about it.’’