ASK EGO: Not Quite Married

…YOUR TWO FACED AGONY AUNT
Meet our Agony Aunt Ego. Like most women there are two sides to Ego. Let’s call her warm side Lady Ego the good girl who could very much be your pastor’s wife or the dotting big sister you never had. She’s loving, level headed, polite, pleasant, always diplomatic, and sympathetic. She’s the voice of reason most of us need when we run into the complexities of life. She sees the good in everybody and every situation.

Lady Ego is a true lady every woman would be proud to call their friend, every man would want to marry and every mother in law prays into the family. Now meet Ego-pepper! She’s the life of the party. The friend you need to have on speed dial when you “need to get them before they get you!” A street wise savvy mama with loads of tricks up her sleeves. She’s simply a sharp girl who is up for every challenge and never goes home with her tail between her legs.

Join Lady Ego and Ego-pepper weekly as they take on your issues and give you their heartfelt advice. Members of the DW Community will get a chance to vote for their preferred solution to your dilemma and share their experiences with you. Indeed a problem shared is a problem solved in the DW Community.
Diamond Woman…. Every Woman!!

HE IS NOT QUITE MARRIED!
Dear Ego,
I am an engineer at a multinational construction firm and we regularly have expatriates from all over the world sent to our offices in Nigeria to work on special contracts for various lengths of time. I understand it can be very lonely for them being in a different country away from their family and friends so I try to be very hospitable to them. Lately I have developed a very close relationship with one of the Côte d’Ivoire engineers who is here on a rolling 12 month contract. To be honest with you Ego I have developed more than a close relationship with him I now have deep feelings for him.

Here is my dilemma; the other day I decided to take the bull by the horns and I asked him if he was married because he wears a gold band on his wedding finger and he said he is “not quite married” he has also taken the pains to explain to me why he is “not quite married”. He says his wife is not happy about him having to work in other countries especially Nigeria. She has refused to move to Nigeria with him on this contract and that for the past 3 years due to the demands working away from home he has been living like a Bachelor. He only goes home for a weekend every 6 weeks to visit his son.

Ego please advise me considering this man’s exceptional circumstances do you consider him really married? I need to know if he is available, can I consider dating him seriously. Is the foundation of our relationship strong enough to lead to marriage?
I eagerly await your sincere feedback!

Imabong

Dear Imaobong,I would advise that you leave this man alone. If you really care about him advise him to work out issues with his wife and come to an agreement on how to take their marriage forward especially for the sake of their son.
For all you know you just may help in saving someone’s home from a break up.
Also look elsewhere for your own man and am sure in good time God will provide a man you can truly call yours.
All the best Dear!
Lady Ego

Imabong?!, Imabong?!!, Imabong?!!!, Imabong?!!!!, Imabong?!!!!!, Imabong?!!!!!!

How many times did I call you! Eh? Infact don’t bother answering me I know I called you six times because I have six questions for you:
1 When this man told you he was married did he say it in French? Because I don’t know how the word married is confusing you like this!

2 Have they blocked internet in your office? If not you should check online for what ‘not quite married’ really means.

3 Where you are from; do they wear wedding bands as a form of decoration? …because your confusion confuses me.

4 I know polygamy is not legal in Nigeria so I suggest you research if it is legal in Cote d’Ivoire. No court or church in Nigeria will REALLY marry you and your NOT QUITE married colleague!

5 Is the multinational company you are working for also specialising in Nigerian Tourism? Its just that I don’t understand why you are the one making foreigners in your company feel at home in Nigeria.

6 Imabong! Why have you decided to provoke me today?!
Imabong! (The face of Nigerian hospitality!) Please leave this woman’s husband alone and face your job in your office very well!… ok?!
God Bless you my dear!,
Ego-pepper