Be evenly yoked…
It’S actually a message that a reader sent me sometime back and I thought it should form the basis of my topic of this day.First, read her…“I am feeling so angry right now. My husband and I have been married for close to two years with a daughter. My husband is still a hustler, although very hardworking. I am practically the breadwinner, from paying house rent, feeding, to paying my one year and eight months old baby’s crèche fees, his clothing and hers. I didn’t mind doing all that because once any cash enters my husband’s hands, he brings it out and gives detailed calculation and that made me to also become prudent with money.
He always tells me when he has and when he doesn’t. We have each other’s ATM pin.But on Thursday, I asked him if he had money to buy (even if it’s N1000) fuel to put in the Generator, because we have not had light for days, he said he doesn’t have. Then, I told him I would transfer some money to him from the little balance that I had in my account, he said OK.
When he got back, (although I don’t normally snoop around his phone), I checked his phone that night and to my utmost surprise- he has money in his account. I even saw the alert of the transfer that I did earlier and the total balance in his account also. He probably forgot to delete it.Parliament, I feel so betrayed and used.
Do you know that he deleted that ‘alert’ message by the next morning? I didn’t confront him.I was so upset that what I did was to purchase something online with his ATM card and then told him that I reserved something I wanted to buy online with his card, that he won’t be debited since there’s no money in his account.
He kept quiet.I also told him that I couldn’t use my own ATM card because I may receive salary soon and wouldn’t like for the online transaction to tamper with my balance. He asked me if it was his other account that I used, I said ‘no’, he kept quiet and didn’t say anything.
Right now, I am feeling so betrayed. Have I been a fool for being open and generous with my own money? How do I handle this?
Really I am considering being secretive about my finances, won’t cook unless he brings money-except tending to my daughter’s needs.I really don’t feel like caring anymore. If the landlord throws us out (our rent will soon be due)…so be it.To think that I was thinking of getting a loan from office to pay the rent, but since I am being taken for a fool, now I won’t care anymore.Please give me your sincere views.He is 35 years, I am 33 years old.’’
My advice would have been different…if he has always been this way. But you yourself have attested to his transparency towards your finances-prior to this ONE incident.It is not right to act on your emotions right now until you have spoken to him. I admit that his lying to you when you asked if he has any funds on him, isn’t cool at all. But then again…HEAR HIM OUT FIRST.
TIT FOR TAT isn’t for a marriage you wish to make a success.This is why I will always advise any lady going into marriage to be EVENLY YOKED-when it comes to finances.I mean, he should be capable of bringing something to the table also. Otherwise, marriage should not be the priority of such a man but FINDING HIS FEET first.
A lot of ladies now go into marriage and start CARRYING MAN from day one. Only to become very resentful once he makes any mistake – even an innocent mistake from him can have them recounting their sacrifices in his life.The root cause of such friction in marriage is the overwhelming economic burden on the woman. She is about snapping and every issue is sure to be blown out of proportion.
This lady’s lamentation is a common sentiment amongst ladies who went into a marriage that they are single-handedly funding.Better you consider your emotions in the long run and not start on such notes at all.The man must not be as buoyant as you, but BRING SOMETHING TO THE TABLE…he should!
A friend once put it thus… “It is good for women to support their husbands in marriage, but paying house rent and buying him clothes is something I cannot fathom. Such indulgence could make a man lazy. Some of them might even be assisting girlfriends financially since madam is already there for them.’’
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