Don’t settle for less
“Never ever settle for less” that has always been my motto. I have always known what I want in my relationship or marriage and that is love and happiness but most of all peace of mind. There cannot be anything worse than being in an unhappy relationship. It takes a huge part of you. First comes the arguments, then the blaming and eventually the breaking up. I always say one thing, if you are going to be happy and have peace of mind walking away from that relationship, then so be it.
Some men just don’t want to commit and they now find every excuse to leave. You want things to grow deeper and more serious, but he does not. He just does not feel the same need for commitment as you do. You are pretty sure he is happy with the way things are. You are the one who is not happy. And the thought of settling for less commitment than you dream of is making you sick at night. But if you say too much, you think he might leave. Trust me, I have been in this kind of situation before.
Do you want to know what kind of power you have in this situation? Because believe me, you do have the power to create change in your relationship.
A friend of mine dated a pretty great guy, who she loved dearly for three years. She told him that she wanted the commitment of marriage. He says he is open to the idea but not quite ready yet. He has been saying that for two years now and still no ring and no real discussion. Some part of her believes he will ‘step up’ but another part of her is worried that she is just wasting her time waiting for him.
The thing about this guy is that he is content to leaving things as they are, and if she pushes the issue, he will definitely find someone else. So I advised her to have another conversation with him. So far the reason why she has not is because she is afraid of the answer she might hear.
If you are in that kind of situation, the only honest thing you need to ask yourself is “Do I want to know how serious this man is about me? If I were in that situation, I would not be willing to give up my dream of walking hand in hand with the man I love, having the security of being fully committed to another, sharing our lives and love until the movie ends and the credits roll. I would want to know. And that’s the real truth. The sooner, the better you sort it out the better for you. His answer is not going to change just because you wait a little longer! You have already given 3 years of your life. How many more will you give before you ask him if marriage is in his future in the next year or so (or whatever your timeline is)?
Let me share a short story about myself with you: I dated a guy like that once actually. Really! He was forever wanting to wait to make decisions “until things settle down.” The truth is that life is always rolling along; it never settles down and waits patiently while he thinks things over. If it did he would never make a single decision, ever.
So I did not wait. I told him what I wanted. I was not very good at it at that point, and he did not want to hear what I was telling him but I will tell you what he did understand: I socialized a lot (a whole lot) with other guys, and kept living my wonderful, interesting, active life.
One of his friends actually made a move on me at a party he was also at and my boyfriend saw all that activity, all that exuberant, moving-forward life, and knew he would lose me if he didn’t act soon.
But you have to be willing to talk. So here is my advice. Talk with him as if he is the man who will commit to you. Believe the very best about him. Love him with all your heart. But set yourself a timeline, communicate it to him, and be willing to walk.
And get social as you begin to put this plan into action. If not out-and-out dating, at least “hanging out” with guy friends. And I mean single, available men. Do not take yourself out of the relationship hunt, because if your boyfriend really does not want to marry, you need to get busy finding the man who has been waiting his whole life for you to finally show up. You do not want to be late for that guy, now do you?
And maybe, just maybe, that guy is the man you already know and love. Now go find out, Life is calling.
To our happiness. Cheers.