The question? “Have you had an abortion before?”
He was probably combing around for compatibility but there are questions that are simply in a bad taste in man-woman affairs.
A lady shared her experience about a dinner date in which talks were going well and out of nowhere, the man blurted out “you are like 35 years old?’’
There are certain preliminary details that intending partners give about themselves and I believe AGE should be amongst those.
When in doubt, ask directly BUT appropriately. There is everything wrong with blurting out sensitive issues in the middle of a non-related conversation.
Another said that a man she met on the social media (and was scheduling a “physical meet” with) once blurted out, “I hope I am not coming to meet a cripple’’ to her …over the phone.
A number of men have also complained about awkward questions from ladies they have just met.
“Where did you park your car? ’’ “Do you have a big manhood’’?
Some “concerns” are best left NOT voiced to someone you barely know. If they are endowed, handicapped, own a car or not…you will see things for yourself, eventually. Don’t be quick to inject AWKWARD vibes into the setting-by wearing your expectations on your sleeves. Otherwise, you could miss moments that hold more important revelations!
“As long as you have certain desires about how it ought to be, you can’t see how it is,’’ says Ram Dass.
When involved with someone, one should invoke what I call “the doctrine of hence forth”.
…your chapter in each other’s lives begins on a clean slate!
Concern not yourself with certain history of their lives…for example, asking the last time they had sex or how many people they have “dong.”
We let ourselves develop these curiosities but the truth remains that we aren’t always able to handle the truth. It’s not likely that whoever you meet hasn’t got a past, anyway.
The TIMING as well as the NEED (does it really matter?) for some of these questions is everything. If it is not relevant to the future of the relationship…why bother?
As educated as a lot of us like to believe we are, we really don’t have the maturity to handle the truth to these questions that we are quick to throw out. For example, the one asking if someone has had an abortion…I tell you that if the answer is YES, he will most likely not have the presence of mind to find out the circumstances surrounding that incident.
It’s not always about marriage. But when you start off on a wrong footing…every other prospects of the relationship will also be lost. Mature minds are not quick to jump on “deal breaker” questions. They focus on more LIKES about the other party.
And when there is more to like about them…you find out that whatever odds that exist in their story isn’t actually enough to discourage a future (or other prospects) with them.
My point is not that the probing is unimportant…we are rather impatient, shortsighted and shallow-minded about these things.
Don’t ask people about themselves and when they open up to you (in all sincerity), you drop them like hot coal. Ask people about themselves because you want to relate better, not because you want to size them up.
Wearing your expectations on your sleeve closes the door to other possibilities that could exist in these encounters. The person that you have judged SINFUL (because she told you that she has had an abortion),
Or the man that you have concluded is NOT SUITABLE because the car he drove isn’t what impressed you…you are most likely to be closed off to other wonderful attributes about them. Attributes that could make them turn out beneficial in friendship, social acquaintances or business partnerships. But the manner in which you exit their space WILL matter.
I also advise people (especially ladies) to learn to save themselves certain headaches. Some of these “if or not you are good enough’’ questions should also be your answers to “is he really who I need?’’ Because, questions that are aimed at getting to know someone better are not really tapered with EXPECTATIONS!
A lot in people’s choice of words actually reveals their mindset. There are just “emotional mines” that your self-esteem had have to be damn low for you to knowingly walk into. There are people who don’t bother with irrelevant probing, yet you find yourself handing them the story of your life.
If it’s not relevant to the present…it’s not important to a mature mind!
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