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Is it in all of us?


It’s actually their fifth marriage anniversary. A few of us (close friends of the couple) were treated to a very private dinner and it was laughter galore when the husband of my lady said he had a confession to make.

His confession is that whenever his woman has to travel by air, he finds himself praying that she ends up seating beside a female passenger. He said that it tortures his mind to imagine his woman seating beside a man…all because of how they (the couple) met.

His wife has serious phobia for flying and, on the day they met, he happened to be the gentleman that was seated beside her-whose hand she held all throughout the flight. He kept giving her a re-assuring squeeze on the hand, occasionally giving her a light pat on the back-anything to make her feel less tensed-up. When the aircraft finally landed-they exchanged ‘contact details’ and the rest is… why we were at that gathering!


A friend has been missing in action on Facebook, I thought it was due to her impending “wedding ceremony” but I still sought to know (via inbox) her reasons and she told me that her husband-to-be made it clear that he was not comfortable with her still being on Facebook…it did not matter that it was on the same Facebook that he actually met her.

An adage in my place goes thus “he who kills with the machete will never let someone else go behind him with one’’ (I hope I did justice to the translation).

These men could be right for wanting to protect their ‘properties’ but I doubt if that exemplifies trust and I want to know why a lot of us, both men and women, are like these two men!

Some ladies find it OK to cheat with a man that is already hooked, but the moment he makes the mistake of leaving whoever he was with, for this same lady…she becomes a CID+FBI overnight- monitoring his activities all over…including ‘befriending’ whoever (especially the opposite sex) he is friends with on the social media.

If someone could settle for you, despite having other options…what makes you think he/she can slip from your fingers easily?

Is this INSECURITY in all of us or is it a case of guilty conscience for some people…knowing how they came about that person in their lives?

A friend had this to say on the issue… “Well, it is in all of us, especially when we really value what we have. But then, having the feeling of insecurity and dealing with it are two different issues. The problem here is how to deal with it. Trust is not the result of an action or something like that. Yesterday, I read a joke of a man who calls his wife everyday from his office and asks her to switch on the blender just to make sure she is at home. But on getting home one day, before his normal closing time, his child told him that “mummy left with the blender since morning.’’

Trust is a choice, a decision, not a result. You don’t trust people because you know what they can do at any point; you trust them because you choose to. And that you hope they’ll react to particular situations in a particular manner. Being over- protective and possessive will not stop your partner from cheating on you if they want to. In fact, it makes it easier because you will become predictable. The FBI movies we watch are only those that they finally caught the bad guy. It doesn’t mean they catch the bad guys all the time.’’

In the words of another friend…
“Now to answer your question ‘what makes you think he/she can slip from your fingers easily?’ Flirtations on the social media alone can do it, British lawyers are warning that more divorces will be connected to flirtations, messages and actions conducted on the social media. You just need to see what’s going on in some people’s ‘inbox’.


“Social media-induced jealousy may lead to arguments concerning past relationships. It may also lead to physical or emotional cheating. What I’m saying in essence is that people in relationships/marriages should engage differently on the social media to avoid temptations.

“There should be a sort of transformation when you get married, some blocking, some ‘unfriending’, some deleting, etc.

“It’s same with people that keep in touch with their ‘ex’ on social media. Research has shown that the more a person in a romantic relationship uses Facebook, the more likely they are to monitor their partner’s Facebook activities more stringently, which can lead to feelings of jealousy.

“Trust doesn’t just come, it takes a lot to come and can be shattered by the slightest carelessness. Devil is online too.’’

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