Is that man for real?

When you want to know a man’s real intentions, the only thing you need to do is to keep your eyes and your ears open, because unless a guy is an award-winning actor, his actions will always reveal his true intentions.

Now notice I said actions and if there’s nothing else you grab from this newsletter, I want you to understand that a guy’s words mean absolute nothing if they’re not consistently backed up by his actions. You dig? I don’t care what he tells you, what he promises you, or how much he proclaims his love for you. If he is not consistently backing up his words with his actions in a way that makes you feel happy and fulfilled, then something’s wrong.

I am sure this doesn’t come as a shock to you but I am very certain that you are aware that some guys lie. Some guys will say and do anything to manipulate a woman to get what they want.

When I was in the university, a bunch of us often went out to a club. There was one guy in our group named Idris. Idris had an agenda. He went right for the wounded/heartbroken girls. He would identify this particular girl and approach her with his line of bullshit. He would buy her drinks, tell her everything she wanted to hear, and by the end of the night he would take her back to the flat he shared with his two of his friends and have sex with her, and then disappear before the sun came up. Leaving his friends to dismiss her in the morning. Not fair at all. And then he would simply move on to stalk his next victim. Now, in no way am I condoning this type of behavior. I simply want you to be aware that just because a man says the right things, it doesn’t mean his intentions are pure.

I want you to quickly recognize and identify these types of men around you. Because as they say in football, “the best offense is a good defense.”

Does he focus on sex?
One big warning sign about a guy’s true intention is if he focuses on sex too soon and too often in the beginning of a relationship. Look, let’s be real. Sex is an important part of a relationship no doubt but it is not the only part. If we think of a relationship as a pizza, sex is simply one slice of the pie. A guy who is genuinely interested in a relationship will not come on hot and heavy, or put on the full press to get into your pants.

When a guy is looking for a long-term relationship, he understands that there is no need to rush into things and have sex right away. His actions will show you that. And guys who are only interested in getting laid are pretty transparent in their actions, too, aren’t they? The guys who are open and honest about their sexual agenda are easy to recognize. They’ll say or do anything to get you into the sack. But it’s the wolf in sheep’s clothing that you must learn to recognize. And there are a lot of them out there these days.

This is the guy who plays nice in the beginning. He tells you exactly what you want to hear. He says and does all the right things, but once he charms the pants off you, he moves on to his next victim, leaving you to pick up the pieces (and your pants off the floor). This is where you must be careful. Some guys are so convincing with their words that they make it easy for you to have sex before you’re ready.

Guys like this are not well suited for long-term relationships. If you are going to be in a long-term, happy and fulfilling relationship, you must have a partner who understands you and who values and appreciates you for who you are as a woman, in and out of the bedroom. This is why it’s important that you make a man wait a little while before giving him the luxury of having sex with you.

Yes, ladies, allowing a man any man to infiltrate your Golden Palace is giving him a gift that he must earn. If you give it away too quickly, you will ultimately lose his respect and your own. It doesn’t matter if he tells you otherwise.

Growing up, men are constantly told that there are girls you bring home to your mum and there are girls you have sex with. It’s up to you to show a man which one you are by your actions. It is imperative that you have some kind of plan about when you will sleep with a guy. That plan might be seven days, seven dates, seven weeks, or seven months.

You see, a guy who is interested in a relationship with you will see waiting for sex as an investment. As long as he knows his investment of time and energy is going to pay dividends, and he is clear on when that payoff will be, he will have no problem waiting.

No man should ever be allowed into your pants without 100% of your consent. Any guy who tries to pressure you or force you to have sex with him before you’re ready is letting you know by his actions that he is more interested in sex than he is in having a relationship with you.

I tell my female friends that the boundaries you show a man tells how you want to be treated. If you have no boundaries, or if your words say one thing and your actions say another, a guy will quickly discover that he can manipulate you to get what he wants.

His actions don’t match his words
One of the biggest ways of recognizing a man’s true intentions is whether or not his actions back up his words. Men are notorious for saying one thing and doing another. How many times have you met a guy who seemed like he was into you, and then he pulled a fast one on you and completely disappeared?

You can quickly recognize a guy’s true intentions when his actions don’t back up his words. It is very easy for some men to lie and to tell you what you want to hear. Some men are really good at it. But no matter how good they are, if you simply keep your eyes and ears open you will be able to spot these liars and recognize their real agendas.

Not paying attention is one of the most common mistakes that I see some women make. A woman will say she wants a man who loves, respects, and values her, but she’ll stay in a relationship with a man who consistently shows her by his actions that he doesn’t. Yes, he may throw her an occasional bone to make it look like he loves and respects her. But the truth is if she is honest with herself, she can see that her man isn’t consistently showing her love and respect by his actions. I repeat, any man who doesn’t consistently show up and give you the love, honor, and respect you deserve is not worthy of being in a relationship with you. Period.

He’s not an open book
If you want to know if a man is relationship material, observe how he includes you in his life. It’s a big red flag when he is secretive and keeps things from you. If you are going to be in a relationship with someone, it is imperative that he opens up and shares his life. All of it with you. There can’t be secrets!

When a man keeps secrets, it means he’s hiding something. And when he’s hiding something, it means that he doesn’t want you to know the truth, because if you did it would affect him negatively.

Let’s face it, we’ve all got skeletons in our closets. We’ve all got things that we’re embarrassed about. We’ve all done something that we would rather not admit to others. But individuals who are emotionally available and who make good relationship partners have no problem being upfront and honest about things.

Does he talk about his past?
If you are going to have a healthy relationship, it is imperative that you have a mate who comes clean about his past. If a guy is being secretive about his past, it means he’s hiding something, and if he’s hiding something it means he’s not being honest with you. Guys who are dishonest make bad relationship partners.

Sometimes a guy isn’t honest about his past because of emotional pain he experienced. Sometimes it is the pain of a divorce, or having his heart broken or sometimes the emotional scars go all the way back to emotional trauma from childhood. For some guys, it is easier to suppress their feelings than it is to deal with them.

If these guys were honest with you, they would have to face their demons. And since men are taught early in life not to show their emotions, many of these guys go through life continuing to avoid their feelings. So when a guy isn’t willing to talk about his past, it will serve you well to take notice.

Does he willingly talk about his future?
When a man wants to share his life with you, he will willingly talk about his future. He will share where he wants to go in his life. He will openly admit if he wants a relationship and what that relationship looks like to him. When a guy does this, it is an excellent opportunity to see if you are on the same page and headed in the right direction.

If a grown man isn’t sure if he wants a relationship or refuses to talk about the future, you should take that as a sign that he is unsure of what he wants or he simply isn’t being honest with you. And if you have to persuade or convince a man to want to be in a relationship with you, is he really the kind of guy you are looking for? I am sure you know the answer to that question already. Choose wisely.

I read somewhere that the couples who have the happiest and most successful relationships are those who found partners who were clearly on the same page and wanted the same things from the very beginning.

Let me tell you something; the purpose of dating is for you to get to know a guy and see if he is the kind of person who will enable you to have the type of relationship you desire and deserve.

If a guy is being secretive about his past, his present, or his future, please take notice. It is usually a sign that he cannot or will not give you what you need in order for you to be in a happy relationship with him. Choose wisely.
To our happiness. Cheers.