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It can start from you!


It was a radio programme. The discourse bordered on relationships. What intrigued me was the lady (guest) speaker.She made a lot of good points but would always end up with “women are petty. I have just males as close friends.”I turned to the driver with me (who was equally touching on relationship talks) and said “you see this lady talking like this; she is actually the petty one.”

And I am serious.
When people are quick to write off everyone (including those they are YET to meet), sometimes the problem is THEM…not the others. I also wondered what motivation one whose mind is this made up about fellow women would have to give even those who may turn out different a chance. Ladies…aren’t these tales getting rather boring, already?

I think of the amazing ladies that life has brought my way and I have only pity for whoever would let herself miss the friendship of these women… over some narrow view.

Humans generally have issues! There is a certain hurt that could come from a man and it will take the grace of God for any man to come near you again. Why are we singling out the other side of the story? Because it’s convenient to condemn that which you see as competition?

People who have enviable female friendships today have also been hurt by a fellow woman…yet, they are able to realise that everyone is different. If your story or experience with every female friendship is the same, it won’t be bad to look inwards, too. Vile people abound but so also are GREAT human beings. But you won’t meet a great soul if you do not let your mind embrace that possibility.

The problem with a lot of us women is the expectant mood we are quick to “greet” each other with. You meet a fellow woman and you are immediately expecting her to be /act certain way or risk being disliked/judged (immediately) by you!… sort of-your mood/disposition just has to approve of who or what she is.

Who gave you such rights?
One of the earliest encounters I had on Facebook…a lady’s response to my post is best described as VILE.
Something in my response to her probably made her have a re-think as she came inbox with this message…

“You are so nice. I hope you are as humble in real life.”
I thought to myself …imagine. I have to SEEM nice and humble for her to behave herself. It didn’t occur to her that the “being nice” could have started from her.

We are too busy expecting to be even half of what we expect of fellow women. I told a friend the other day that the reason we don’t seem as chummy again is because I have not been swooning over her like before…asking about the kids and their welfare.And I asked…can’t you see that it’s basically those efforts of mine that sustained the friendship? How come I know all your kids by name and what each does but you don’t know the name of mine and never asked?

My point? The average woman is entitled. And it is one of the things doing a huge disservice to how we relate with one another.
If the friendship doesn’t revolve around her ease/ego…it is the other woman’s fault.In the words of T.D. Jakes, “we have a tendency to want the other person to be a finished product while we give ourselves the grace to evolve.’’

We easily see ourselves as competition…that shouldn’t even be there. How about just focusing on being great and let her be the one to abuse the gesture? What we do with some of these petty mindsets is akin to putting on an armour in anticipation of WAR with every female encounter. It doesn’t serve our greater good emotionally.

Consider this…
Two close girlfriends are most likely to send their friendship to hell over a man that one of them has started sleeping with, even when it’s obvious he will marry neither of them. That’s how unkind we are to ourselves.

Yeah, you have been hurt in the past but so have most of us! But we didn’t let that blind us from the wonderful souls that abound out there. I don’t know about you but I have never met a fellow woman that I didn’t pick a lesson or two from.

When it is not a desired lesson, it’s at least the opposite but a LESSON nonetheless. You must not be friends with everyone but throwing off certain unfriendly vibes is tantamount to wearing pettiness on the sleeves. Not sure anybody would want to be around you…because, certain talks tell more about you than the subject you are discussing.


In this article:
Chukwuneta Oby
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