Close button
The Guardian
Email YouTube Facebook Instagram Twitter WhatsApp

It could all be in your head…


This is “an experience” that a reader shared with me sometime back and I hope her experience speaks to someone out there.

“When I came across your ‘quotes of the week’, that says that most women are naturally prone to feeling insecure-especially in relationships. I said to myself “I can relate to this.”

“To an insecure person…ANYBODY is a threat!

“I am talking from experience.

“I had a live-in child minder that’s almost at the tail end of her teenage years. She has a habit of moisturizing her body after every night bath. The funny thing is the scent of her body cream is easily perceived all over the house.


“One cheap cream that I bought for her o!

“Do you know that yours sincerely also began to use body spray –after night baths? Something I never used to do…besides my regular perfume that I use when going out.

“My poor husband apparently didn’t cotton to what was going on. He felt that my latest efforts were a signal for ‘romance mood’. Little did he know that a girl’s harmless beauty regimen has made me to start protecting my territory.

“I laugh at myself now, but it wasn’t funny then. My insecurity around the girl deepened. Especially after a colleague said ‘’Na this beauty be your house girl?’’

“You see…the mind of an insecure person is a fertile ground for unwholesome thoughts.
Even a harmless compliment can plant ideas in their head. I began to read meanings into every move she made. When she served my husband, I would begin to analyse the motive behind her gesture.
Even her wears (okirika o) was a problem.
…clothes sit well on her!

“Then came the moment of realisation.

“My aunt that brought her came to the house one day, asking if the girl has wronged me in any way.
Apparently, the girl complained to my aunt about my change in attitude towards her. That encounter opened my eyes to how far I drove a girl that I really meant to treat as a daughter.

“I remember the days I would not leave the house-until my husband left first.
And I would end up getting to work late.

“Why? So they don’t get an opportunity to talk.

“Is it the times I would deliberately close at a ‘non-closing hour and then hang by the door…with my ears tightly pressed to it? In case ‘something’ was happening. Yet, I should be the first to tell whoever cares to listen that my husband is one-of-a-kind…in so many ways.

“But when INSECURITY set in…I tossed my convictions about the man that I have known since my teenage years into the garbage. I also remember the look of fright I saw on her face on the day that I raised my voice at her.

“The issue at hand didn’t actually warrant that but only me knew that that aggression was brought on by how ‘unattractive’ her young, shapely body was making me feel.

“I woke up one day and decided that, Blessing (that’s her name) isn’t my problem. So, I sent her packing, with more than enough money to go enroll in a fashion design academy.
That has always been her passion.

“I did apologise for the ‘strange woman’ that I had become to her. She deserves better.
I realised that any other lady out there would still be a threat to me-if I didn’t work on myself. I am still a work in progress.

“The most important thing, though, is recognising that the problem is me and not necessarily other women.’’
Yeah, the times are desperate. But sometimes, it’s not about the wiles of other women.

Most of us are plagued with acute insecurity. And would still ‘act up’…even in the most innocent of circumstances. There are women to whom the only offense a fellow woman can ever commit is being younger, beautiful or famous (this one is a given!).


While to other women, the only thing that qualifies a fellow woman as a ‘husband-snatcher’ is her marital status…as a single lady, single mum, divorcee or widow.

Other women are not your problem! Yes, protect your territory, but more importantly…attune your mindset.
It could all be in your mind…you know?

The excerpts below are from a man that wrote me on his issues.

“I once asked my wife to fix a radio collar on my neck so she can know where I am any time. It got so bad that my wife said it was revealed to her in her dream that my teenage cousin, whom she pressured me to bring in to mind our baby when she resumes work, was a second wife brought in disguise. Insecurity is terrible…a plague better not experienced.”

In this article:
Chukwuneta Oby
Receive News Alerts on Whatsapp: +2348136370421

No comments yet