It is neither in black nor white…
In her message to me, a lady wrote…“Please, this has to do with a young woman that came to me for counselling in the Church. I told her to give me some time to pray about her situation but truth is that I don’t know what advice to give her.
“Her situation is equally confusing to me. Your views on the matter will help greatly.
“According to her, she has been married to her husband (who is 16 years her senior) for about 10 months now. Their marriage is the husband’s second marriage.
“She said that when they met, he told her that he was undergoing a herbal therapy because an accident he had when he was very young affected his biological function as a man.
“According to her, his manhood is flaccid and one can’t tell when it is erect or otherwise. The issue now is that the mother in-law sent for her, recently.
“In that meeting, the mother-in-law expressly told her that she can’t afford to ‘leave herself just like that,’ because neither her nor the son is getting younger.
“The woman also made it clear that if she is waiting for the husband to get “well” before she starts trying for a baby, she will probably wait for the rest of her life. She also told her that what the family can do for her is give her the option of choosing from amongst her husband’s brothers…who to help her become a mother. But what will not be acceptable to the family is her going out there to get pregnant. Mama alluded that, that is tantamount to polluting their bloodline.
“Also according to the mother-in-law, the husband’s first marriage ended because the lady tried blatantly foisting the child of another man on her son.
“This lady told me that her father served the husband’s family (as a driver) for many years and that it was the family that sponsored the education of all her siblings …to University level. She also said that she became close to the husband after his first marriage ended. And she loves him.
“Should she tell the husband about that meeting with his mother? What advice do you suggest I give to this young lady? She is 30 years old. She has been working at the husband’s company since she left the University…long before he asked for her hand in marriage.”
When a woman’s hands are tied on all fronts, I am usually hesitant to advise to QUIT…until she is sure of an EXIT PLAN, at least.
It doesn’t look like this lady has had much of a life, economically and socially, outside the network of this family. Almost as if she was being groomed for “someday.”
The man explained his problems to her, the best way he could…considering EGO issues of the average man. Only a man would understand what it must have taken for him to say the much he did to her. A lot of them sit dead silent on their issues, until the woman “enters” properly.
The mother-in-law is probably trying to be a mother. There is no length that a typical woman will not go for her child. Let her find out what extent he has gone MEDICALLY on his issues.
Sometimes, it is fear of the unknown that makes people stick to the solution that doesn’t stress their emotions. Bad news about their MANHOOD sometimes feels like a death sentence to most men.
However, it is imperative we appreciate people’s struggles and sometimes put ourselves in their shoes. It is not nice for her to dust her feet off him without making efforts towards a solution with him.
We all pray for that soul that will stick around at our trying times…it goes a long way in how we emerge from life’s battles.
A sincere HEART TO HEART talk with the husband will point her to a definite direction. Penetration isn’t the only way a man can put his woman in the family way…if the resources are there.
Sex is important, but it’s not everything in the life one who chooses not to see it so. What holds out in marriage is genuine companionship, relative comfort, dependability and peace. There are no guarantees out there.
I just have a problem if the point of such (often emotionally draining) “search” out there is for D*ICK. It might be best to stay in her comfort zone and tough it out with the man she loves. Certain connections in marriage are priceless.
A lot of women with her kind of reality have REGULAR boyfriends that help out with their sexual needs. Life is really not in black and white.
Perhaps, that’s all that life is trying to teach us with certain situations!