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Journey from Aso-Ebi to parenting… What no one tells you

By Yetty Williams
01 August 2020   |   3:00 am
When it comes to the journey from childhood, to Aso-Ebi to parenting, there are many things people don’t tell you about. There are three areas that affect our lives long term

When it comes to the journey from childhood, to Aso-Ebi to parenting, there are many things people don’t tell you about.

There are three areas that affect our lives long term and these are the areas that most people don’t really have a system, or structure, or the framework to actually make it work. I have identified these three as marriage, parenting and wealth.

The reality is that a lot of us spend years going to school to learn a particular area of expertise, then you graduate, expected to get a job, make some money, get married, have children, raise a family, and live happily ever after.

Over the years, I have learnt the value in looking at trends and paying attention to research, and sociocultural factors. What I am learning is that, while there seems to be a way to do certain things that come naturally to us, there is a better way to do these same things. When it comes to these areas that seem natural to us, like marriage and parenting, because they do not have one particular structure, it is easy to think there is nothing to learn.

Yes, when it comes to these three areas aka the MPW; Marriage, Parenting and Wealth, there is really no school for it. Yet, these three areas have long term effects on everyone. These are schools you never enrolled in, yet are schools you never graduate from.

Marriage to Parenting
Let’s look at the first one, marriage; most people are not taught about what it takes to make a marriage really work. Yes, a few people will go to marriage counselling, but usually, that’s to ensure that you can get married in a church or your place of worship. But in terms of what it takes to truly make your marriage work, there is no school for it. There is no one way to do it.

And many people leave it to chance because they believe that they should be able to make it work. You know, love should be enough. Boy Meets Girl. Girl Meets Boy; they date and fall in love, the families get to know each other. They spend a lot of money pick the aso-ebi for the wedding, they show up and they get married. If they are lucky, everything moves quickly smoothly enough and the next thing they get pregnant and boom, they become parents.

Once again, there’s no parenting school; parenting is one of those things that is learnt on the go, day by day year after the baby comes home. You have to figure out how to raise this child that you have been given. The new parents try to do the best they can and knowingly or unknowingly they are repeating a lot of the skill sets, they picked up from being parented themselves.

Very few people have the chance to sit back and assess and ask questions about what works, what worked and what didn’t work. Of course, every family is different every child is different but we can also agree that there is a certain pattern in terms of what works. When it comes to acquiring the skill set to be an intentional parent, to learn what it takes to raise children who become well rounded and independent, there is a process.

Laslty, when it comes to wealth, this is once again one of those things that most people are not taught. You know, a lot of people learn about wealth creation either by chance or by luck. Very few people are actually taught, but there is a skill set that goes into true wealth creation. Wealth creation is not just about getting a good job and earning well.

In fact, there are people, who have been professionals all their lives and end up broke because they did not learn how to truly create wealth. In addition to earning an income, true financial literacy includes knowing how to budget, how to save, understanding how to invest and how to make your money work for you. It is knowing what it takes to make your money grow. True wealth is not just in the amount f Dollars or Naira you have in the bank; it is so much more. It includes your relationships, goodwill and your network. You know, the saying that your network determines your network.

So, you know when you talk about the transition from aso-ebi to real life, the idea is that there are some decisions we will make that truly affect our lives long term. More than the subject you studied at University. When it comes to these life long decisions, many people do not have the skill set to truly make it work, and ensure an abundant life.

Ideal versus Perfection
While there is nothing like perfection, you should be able to have an idea of what more ideal looks like when it comes to these areas. We can agree that many people do not spend nearly as much time as they should (or could) to truly learn how to make these areas as ideal as possible. The reality is that you can plan for what your ideal marriage should include, you can also ask yourself what does ideal parenting look like for you? Lastly, what does it mean to be able to create wealth that outlives you?

When you ask hard questions ahead of time and make some plans to achieve a certain ideal, it is then easier to be intentional. You would, first of all, ensure that you can answer some of these questions before you get married to your partner, and embark on the journey of life. This journey will ultimately impact your children’s lives.

Younger versus Older Generations
There are certain things that we must discuss and keep in mind before we embark on some of these very important lifelong decisions. One of the ways to do this is to have multiple conversations. When you look at the younger generation versus the older generation, there seems to be a divide. This is because the culture of digital natives includes discussing everything and nothing is off-limits. They want to know why they should get into this and they want to know why things are done a certain way. They question a lot of things. It is therefore important that we must ensure that we are having these conversations in a realistic way and open way.

With the influence of technology and social media, everything that you see is not necessarily correct nor the right way. So, we must truly have the right conversations to ensure that our youth understand what it means to have a healthy marriage, how to be effective parents, and how to create wealth that truly outlives you. Everyone can create an ideal system, have a process that they follow.

The importance of these areas; marriage, parenting and wealth have a longer-lasting impact than many other decisions.

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