Journey to self – Part 3

“If you could go back in time to a particular moment in your life and make different decisions what time would that be’’? Kola asked as we took a scoop of his ice cream.

We had slowly evolved from meeting at the lounge to meeting at different locations so I could feel more like I was bonding with a friend than speaking to a therapist. Today, we had decided to go to my favourite ice cream place.

“Hmmmm….that’s a tough one”. I said “I am more of a no regrets kind of girl. I don’t believe in turning back the hands of time, I think all my experiences have sort of contributed to the woman I am today”.

Kola laughed so hard, he almost choked on his coconut shavings.

“That sounded like a rehearsed script. Like something you’d say at an interview. You know the only way these sessions can make any meaning is if you are honest with yourself. So please be honest”. He said.

He was right. I was lying to myself.

“Ok to be honest, I wish I could be eighteen again. I wanted to take a year off back then and go to fashion school for a while before going to university but my parents thought it was a waste of one whole year of my life. My mother in particular was worried that since I had only started dating Tunji, going off to New York would ruin any chances of things working out between us. So off I went to the university and the rest as they say is history”. I explained.

“So you wanted to be a fashion designer’’? Kola asked leaning forward. I knew he was on to something. He always leaned forward whenever I said something he considered insightful.

“Remember I was a teenager at the time. I didn’t know what I wanted to become. I just knew I loved looking good and making other people look good and when I discovered I could go to a school where I could learn more about fashion, it seemed like the best thing in the world but I guess it wasn’t meant to be”.

Kola was responding to my statement but his words were lost on me because I spotted something far more intriguing in front of me.

Chigozie (the man who had literally turned my world upside down) walked in and right beside him was my very own childhood friend and trusted confidant Tosin.

Wait a minute…wasn’t Chigozie supposed to be in Port Harcourt? And why was Tosin meeting with him without my knowledge?

I didn’t know what was going on but I knew I was getting an explanation!