Lessons for everyone

A lady who lost her husband reached out with her story and I dare say, there’s a lesson in there for everyone. Read her.

“My sister, my story is that of a stupid and naive girl. But I must tell you. I’ll request you to publish it in your column for other ladies to learn from.

“I got married to my husband on November 8, 2003. I was 27 and he was 36. Four days to our traditional, he told me he was divorced. I requested to know what happened considering his age, he said infidelity. He got so worked up with the fact that I insisted on knowing what led to his failed marriage.

“After our traditional marriage, it was time for the wedding. He became very antagonistic. I concentrated on keeping the peace in my home. Three months rolled by, he started mounting pressure on me on why I was not pregnant. I felt that was odd but kept quiet.

“My mother-in-law started calling. Later, the message from their ‘marabout’ was that I was a big queen in the marine kingdom with so many children there. At first, it was amusing to me. But it wasn’t to my husband. He changed overnight and became unbearable. I became so ashamed of letting anyone know what I was going through. I buried myself in prayers. Trusting God.

“After one year of pleading, my husband agreed that we visit a doctor. After all the tests, no fault was found in my body. It was time for Oga. He started ‘posting’ the doctors. After about another year, he went to see the doctor, as he told me. He came home with some drugs that looked like Paracetamol.

“I kept quiet. I was virtually scared of even breathing in my own home. Later we embarked on an IVF. We had three consecutive IVFs, all failed. That was the confirmation they needed to affirm that I was a witch. His mum even called my mum to suggest she takes me to perform some sacrifices in my village river, saying my village river is responsible for my being yet to conceive, ironically my village doesn’t have any river oo.

“To cut the story short, I endured all manner of abuse from them before I finally threw in the towel. On the December 18, 2008, after two days of severe beatings, I moved out. No one from his family (except his brother) asked of me. It was a period I did not know I would survive. That period changed me. A month later I discovered I was pregnant.

Don’t ask me ‘”how’’, please!

“My family wanted to tell them but I refused, I had several miscarriages in that house, was accused of eating the children in my womb. I insisted on keeping it away from them until I am delivered of the baby because I do not know what was behind the miscarriages.

“On August 21, 2009. I put to bed. Before I put to bed, I invited his elder brother and a friend of my husband to come see me in the hospital. So that no one amongst them will say they never saw me in pregnancy.

“My ever arrogant husband never gave a damn even though I called to inform him. Six months later, he asked to see me; I refused to let him know where I was living but suggested we meet somewhere else. On meeting him, he demanded to know why I did not tell him that I was pregnant. I told him it was an opportunity to prove to the world that I was neither a witch nor barren.

“As usual, he arrogantly told me that he never asked me to leave and that I can come home. I told him that the issue of my being a witch and leader in the marine world MUST be addressed by both families, if not it will continue to stay away.

“His elder brother came to plead with my people- for me to go back. My family told them that the issue of witchcraft must be addressed. Sometimes, my husband would call -asking me who I was having sex with. I became tired of his calls. I told my family to return his dowry and the family came pleading that I should not do that. Several phone calls followed too.

“May this year, I learned he was sick. The same family came pleading for reconciliation. Finally I accepted, not knowing how sick he was. His nephew who was a doctor gave me a phone number to contact him (my husband) on. I contacted him (he travelled overseas). He still did not tell me what was wrong but rather told me that he was very sick. I accepted his apologies…”
To Be Concluded Next Week