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May we rethink…


“We can’t ignore the fact that women are our own worst enemies. We do not network properly, we do not commune healthily, whenever women gather, it is to run each other down. In fact, whenever a woman succeeds, there is often a hard driving man in the background-nudging, prodding and inspiring her.” This statement is attributed to the wife of a traditional ruler in the South West.

It’s about keeping an open mind…sometimes you meet remarkable people, and sometimes, you meet characters who feed you regrets.

However, something in the quote should give every woman some food for thought. And that’s the fact that amongst the hard driving men nudging your fellow woman (whom you probably can’t get yourself to give a chance) to succeed could also be your: husband (as a sugar daddy), boyfriend/fiancé, brother, uncle, son, cousin or boss, as a lover.


Any woman that overcomes your rejection, prejudice, meanness, etc to succeed is most likely going to make “defeating you,” whenever and however possible a goal!

On the other hand, if you are among the shoulders that carried a woman up the ladder of success, you will remain a chapter that nobody, not even a spouse, dares close in her life. This doesn’t guarantee though that there won’t be fallouts, but deep down, every woman knows an “open chapter” in her life.

I am not downplaying the reasoning of ingrates that even when they ride on your shoulders to success, you immediately become a threat that should be done away with. But they forget that if what they think is actually how it is…you won’t even let them come close in the first place.

I spent some time with a senior friend and her family in Abuja, recently. Her husband’s niece had just left the University and job hunting. Aunt’s friend also visited that weekend, a woman who is said to be “big” at a federal parastatal. It was just the three of us in the room one evening when my friend began to talk to her about assisting the young lady-job wise. The woman cut her friend short with “I have told you that I don’t help women”. I pinched myself.

Whatever your reasons are, you actually offend God by visiting the mistakes of someone on another. Each person deserves a chance to prove him/herself.

A young friend was telling me about her previous job experience. She said that she almost started shopping for new sets of brassieres that would press down her boobs in a bid to give them a flattened appearance. Just so her employer can be at ease. She also told me that her successor is the type that is most evidently odd, if in a group photograph, due to her “hand-me-down” mode of dressing.

That’s probably the only way the lady was able to win the madam’s confidence as a “non-threat” or no husband snatcher.

Any woman that only feels comfortable when another woman around her has an odd appearance is also an odd being-in her core. A confident woman doesn’t need her fellow woman in rags to “shine.”

It’s also erroneous to believe that men treat us better than our fellow women.

Some men capitalize on this rather stereotypical disposition that women have towards each other to turn us against ourselves.

A social media figure trended sometime back. I couldn’t understand what the buzz was all about, but I noticed that a few friends put up similar posts about her. So, I began digging. It turned out that her ordeal didn’t come from her fellow women. The entire thing originated from a bitter ex-boyfriend…who didn’t like the fact that she chose to move on with a man that offered her a future.

It’s just that her fellow women became willing tools in shaming their own.

Don’t kill the reputation of a fellow woman with ugly gist, but kill every ugly gist about a fellow woman that reaches your stable. Sometimes, it’s not about the guiles of other women. A lot of people are battling some internal demons.


There are women to whom the only offense a fellow woman can ever commit is being younger, beautiful or in a good place (career/relationship wise). While to other women, the only thing that qualifies a fellow woman as a “husband snatcher,” is her marital status…as a single lady, single mum, divorcee or a widow.

How does one begin to prove oneself to such persons?

Sometimes, it’s best to embrace someone who has open arms towards you, but the one who prefers to face the wall, for whatever reasons, you leave to her issues. And move on.

A last word that I leave with every woman is this… live your life in such a way that whoever crosses your path in life actually has more to gain.


In this article:
Chukwuneta Oby
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