Parenting and celebrating fathers

It was all about fathers this past week as we celebrated father’s day around the world. On the Lagosmums platform, we decided to spotlight fathers and hear from them as they shared the critical part they play when it comes to raising children. Parenting is indeed something that keeps evolving to ensure that we raise children who can thrive as adults.

On Unlearning and Relearning as a parent
To be an effective parent, one needs to be comfortable with the idea of unlearning what does not work and thereafter relearning what does work. According to Mr Stephen Omojuyigbe, a soul physician, he shared that parents have to heal first before they can be effective parents, this is because in reality hurt people hurt people.

In addition, parents need to realize that they cannot make their children what they are not. The power of example is the most powerful tool when it comes to Intentional parenting. Your children are most likely to be like you whether you like it or not. With this understanding, parents need to be aware and accept that children do more of what you do rather than what you say. As parents, we need to realize that we are the most influential influencers in the lives of our children. We need to be able to model all the behaviours we want to see in them.

Another factor in intentional parenting is the need for many parents to essentially re-parent themselves and fill any internal gaps. Asking the right questions about your upbringing will give you the ability to be more intentional and to bring the right lessons into your parenting. You need to ask yourself how your parents parented you and what was the outcome? Do you want to repeat this? Ask yourself where do you need to change and be more effective? It is only by asking the right questions that you can own the process.

On Discipline
If the rod of discipline is not properly balanced in the arms of love, instead of driving out foolishness from the child it will drive in rebellion. This is such an important concept to remember when it comes to raising children.

The ideal parenting style is intentional, one in which parents are clear as to why they are disciplining a child. Discipline is for correction and not for punishment, lashing out or shouting does not necessarily help the child understand what the acceptable behaviour is. Clear communication goes a long way in helping a child understand what the expected behaviours are. Rather than being punitive, it is important that discipline is positive, corrects and teaches the child.

Parenting requires a set of skills
Parents do not own their children, rather the role of a parent is to nurture children rather than to dictate their life. The role of an effective parent includes being a coach and a good leader. The reality is that parenting, coaching and leadership are all intertwined. As shared by Lanre Olusola, a coach helps you to learn and find your own answers. Indeed being a parent involves all this.

At the end of the day, parenting is life long and the goal in each season evolves. As children grow older they need to have self-confidence, grit and resilience to face life challenges. Modern parenting requires that parents are involved in their children’s lives, stay relevant and continuously build a close relationship with healthy communication.

Fathers play a crucial role in raising their children to become adults who are well-rounded, can make the right decisions and thrive. It takes both parents to be actively involved in a child’s life.