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Rebuild the man in you…


From the message he sent me (seeking advice), I picked the following points…The wife doesn’t wear her wedding ring anymore. The kids are always restless when she’ s around. She doesn’t give him access to her body, these days. She started using contraceptives…without informing him.

She is quick to accuse him of infidelity, even when he has given her no reasons for that. She goes to work early, comes back late, sits around for few hours (to eat) and goes straight to bed.

They have been married for nine years. When they met, he sponsored her nursing education. He attends to ALL the domestic chores…including minding the kids.
He has an automobile and fashion business. He made her a director in the business but she canceled her directorship.

In his words: “I manage our finances, including her salary, but she has since blocked my access to her account. She even went as far as blocking the alert that comes from the bank. Although, she still makes financial commitments to the running of the house.’’


He now resents attending to the domestic chores alone since she decided to sideline him. She didn’t state any reason for her recent attitude.
In his words ‘’she even began to wear tight clothes to work.’’He suspects she’s having an affair.

In his words: “The few nannies we employed in the past, she chased all of them away and went to bring an old, ugly woman from her village…who is just as lazy as her.’’

He is Igbo. She’s a South African. They are based in South Africa.
When he calls for prayers in the house, she doesn’t oblige.

It seems you were OK with the status quo…until she blocked your access to her finances. In fact, I can’t help feeling that 95 per cent of your angst towards her is because of that.

Why would her deciding to be in control of her earnings be an issue with you…if she still fulfills her financial obligations in the family?
I don’t know HOW WELL your businesses are doing but you need to be honest with your reality. A man who makes his own money won’t be this shaken by whatever decision the wife makes about her income…because that’s not his lifeline.

This is a wake-up call to sit up to begin seek your economic salvation.
Your woman is slowly but steadily taking the feeding bottle off your mouth…for reasons best known to her. Whether or not the nanny she brought is ugly should be the least of your concern…so long as the person is EFFICIENT.

I mean, what’s your business with a nanny’s looks? Men who stay at home often mess with female domestic assistants and you can’t tell what stories have filtered to her hearing.

A woman switches off a man for two reasons…boredom (or disinterest) and hurt. It doesn’t seem like you have really made efforts to get her to TALK to you. Be that as it may, encourage her to find a housekeeper. Enough of playing house- keeper and child minder that leaves you this resentful.

This attitude of your woman is typical of a SEE FINISH situation. She comes home from work and you are doing the dishes or cleaning the house. She doesn’t see you beyond that.
You may even have probably let yourself go (appearance/physical wise) without realising it.


Nine years of marriage is no joke but every marriage gets STUCK IN A RUT at a certain point. The best way to handle this is to shake things in the home front a bit…beginning with yourself.

If your business is not doing so well, find a paid job or make a concerted effort to revive your business. Stop letting that woman meet you at home every day and seeking access to her body by night. Get busier than that!

No sane person will remove her name from the directorship of a thriving business. Her attitude towards the whole accounts thing shows she feels you are living off her and she resents that.

Get on your feet economically. And while you are at it, spruce up your looks. Take up physical activities…it puts your body in shape and is therapeutic to the mind. Keep at your MORAL endeavours with the kids. Then, go out there and do all it takes to take your destiny into your own hands. From there…the rest of you will align.

Your woman will begin to see a different you entirely. I won’t advise you to go groveling, because that will only earn you contempt from her.
Take charge of your life. Rebuild the man in you. She will come around when it dawns on her that there is nothing out there. And if she doesn’t look back…by all means move on with your life!


In this article:
Chukwuneta Oby
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