Repair your relationship

Most of us think that it is over and out when we come out of relationships. Little do we know that it could be fixed. I bet you didn’t know that now did you? No exceptions whatsoever. All you need are the right things to do and say. Over the years, I have come across and learnt the most comprehensive ways to fixing broken relationships and you can use it to fix your own relationship troubles today. Trust me. It works for me all the time.

Let me tell you a funny story. Some years ago , my nephew came to me and asked me to help him fix his toy car that had stopped working. The batteries had died, so I had to replace them. The problem: I could not find a screwdriver to open the battery compartment. So I tried to use the easiest way. So I thought the best way to open it was by using a butter knife, a nail file and any other sharp object. But nothing worked.

After an hour of trying, I was ready to get a hammer and smash the darned thing open. But at that moment, my nephew whispered in my ears and said “Aunty Kemi, I found a screwdriver”. I took the screwdriver. Less than a minute later, the toy car was working again, and everyone was happy. Now the moral of the story is this: Broken relationships are like broken toys. To fix them, you just need the right tools.

I am going to make a bold statement and it is “Any relationship can be fixed”. Any relationship. No exceptions. No matter how broken or damaged or strained it is. With the right tools, it can work again, and everyone will be happy again. Unfortunately, many great couples today are unable to give themselves a second chance. Why? Simply because they are doing it the wrong way.There are a zillion wrong ways to fix a problem and just a few “right ways.” In dating and relationships, the wrongest ways to fix relationship problems are:

Waiting For Him To Apologize.
When we get into a spat with our man, we often wait for him to fix things. We think: “Why should I apologize first? He is the guy. It is his job to fix things.”  Does this mentality fix things? Absolutely not. I never wait for my man to apologise whether or not he wronged me. For the sake of peace and to fix the problem at hand so everyone is happy, it will not cost a darn thing to apologise and go on with your lives. Let go of the pride, it would not hurt. Cultivate this habit ladies. It certainly does not make you the weak one. You are actually the strongest in the relationship if you do so.

Saying What He Doesn’t Want To Hear
When we argue with our guy, we often nag, accuse, criticize, insult, blackmail or simply give him the silent treatment. We want him to feel guilty, and maybe knock some sense into him. Problem is: How often has this approach really worked? Think about it. Sometimes it works but not all the time ladies so drop it.

Begging Him To Come Back
Sometimes, when we do apologize first, we do it in a begging, pleading way, trying to gain his sympathy. Unfortunately, if he already broke up with you, this approach will make you look needy and desperate which only makes him think, “Am I glad I broke up with her!”

Focusing On The Problem
After a breakup, we usually spend a week (or much longer) wondering: “What went wrong? What if I did this, would it have made a difference? If I did that, would we still be together?” Dwelling on the past never helped anyone, and it certainly will not help fix your relationship!But that is the sad thing. Many of us use the wrong approach over and over and over again. So the relationship becomes an even bigger mess. And then, when things finally fall apart, we give up and whine: “All men are bastards!” “Love is a lie!” “I’m going to be single forever!” and all that crap we all say. And that is absolutely silly. None of that is true. You just used the wrongest approach, Period.

Here’s a couple of questions to think about: Why did the generations of our grandparents and great-grandparents enjoy a super-low 10% divorce rate (compared to a disturbing 85% today)? How did so many couples back then stay together for 50, 60, 70 happy years?
Here is an actual answer by a grandmother who had been happily married to her man for 65 years: “We were born in a time when if something was broken, we would FIX it, not throw it away.” In other words, you need the right approach. It is as simple as that.

What should you do?
Apologizing Anyway.To fix a problem, it does not matter who apologizes first. So you might as well get the ball rolling by reaching out, right? Besides, what is more important to you, your pride, or your relationship?

Saying What He Wants And Needs To Hear
If you really want to connect with a man, you have to know how to speak in his “language” otherwise, it’s always going to be a one-sided discussion. Trust me.
Instead Of Chasing, Create Space.

Attracting a man into a life is not about chasing him, it is about turning the situation upside-down and making him chase you. And after a break-up, the easiest way to do that is to create some “space” in your life to invite him back in. Did we get that?

Focus On The Solution.
In love and life, whatever you focus on will grow. So why focus on the problems? Why focus on whatever caused the breakup? Instead, focus on the solution. Millions of happy couples have fixed their troubled relationships in the past, why not do what worked for them by taking the right approach.
The road to your happiness lies right there in your heart. It is left for you to make that bold step today.
To our happiness. Cheers.