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Save the help, please!


PHOTO: Face2Face

A senior friend told me how embarrassed he was when a young lady he was assisting thought (initially) that her “making a play” at him would “nail” matters with him properly.

Don’t get me wrong!

He admitted that the MAN in him was interested in her offer and had even fantasized to that end but every time he looks at her-he sees his own daughters and sisters in her.

What he did next?
He sat her down and explained (for the umpteenth time!) that his “assistance” to her was genuine…something he could have done for any stranger that needs help and that he is not looking forward to being compensated in kind or any other form.


She was said to have burst into tears, confessing that no man had ever done her any favours without asking for something in return (especially the type made in kind)-since age 14…after the loss of her parents.

Can anyone imagine the DAMAGE that a young lady has had to live with since the age of 14?
I have always believed that we will have a better understanding of anyone we are dealing with, once we take a patient look at WHERE they are coming from. Even if all the answers are not there, at least some pointers will be there.

Ours is a society where humanity is fast eroding…such that it has become very needful to “play ball” before the simplest of help can be dispensed to those who need it.

I have concluded that any help that has playing ridiculous ball attached to it as the price tag, isn’t worth my while and frankly-I have learnt to detest such help. You get to a point that you re-define your values and offer yourself some grace.

My belief (from experience) remains that if an issue is really important in my life-it will simply find a way-at the right time.

Life is that in tune with our needs.

This gives me a huge peace of mind and enables me take a relaxed approach to a lot of issues in life.

Another fantastic approach is one I learned from a beloved dog. Try throwing a hard bone at him, once it becomes very clear to the dog that the bone is an “impossible one”…the dog quickly turns the bone into a “play thing,” rubbishes it on the ground and walks over it…never to look back at it. He would even pee on it before walking over to the next thing that has caught his attention.

So, these days, when certain helps comes with uncomfortable “conditions apply’’…I am very quick to deploy my contentment, arrogance and even rude armaments.

There are very few things that you can ensnare a very contented person with, because they are never too desperate for anything. Maybe “not being ambitious enough’’ is the right word here.

I just don’t want the proceeds of whatever can steal my peace of mind or rubbish my values. Certain favours just seem like a “dangling carrot” of sorts.

I have lived life long enough to understand that genuine help is simply that…GENUINE! It does not require playing any ball at all; neither does it seek to degrade in any manner before it is dispensed.

Any help that ends up making you feel ridiculous isn’t worth it and giving such “help” the “dog treatment” isn’t a bad idea.

LOL…what more can you lose?
It’s been advised that one should not burn bridges, but guess what? I BURN yeye bridges without a second thought.

Sometimes, it’s a lot easier on the soul to face the tide of life…head on. None is another’s life- line, frankly.

If you are the type that can’t lift a finger to help those in need, unless they have played your ball, I put it to you that you are an abuser of the vulnerable. Life pays us back in our own coins!

If you have ever had to play some “ridiculous ball’ to get to where you are…I am asking you to forgive yourself. Let not such mistakes define you.

Every mistake we make in life is all part of the grand design-to bring us to the expected.

It is never too late for anyone to live the life they want and if anyone fails to understand that you do not live in your past anymore-it should remain their problem-not yours.

Also, when you encounter one who has gone “down there” in a bid to make it in life-do not be quick to judge.

People’s drive cannot be divorced from their experiences. So, be generous with encouraging disposition.

Anyone can turn a new leaf; you just make the transition easy for them by giving them a positive and not a judgmental look. Whose slate has actually been all that clean in life?


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