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The audacity of stone age mentality


There are three months left of 2019. In fact, there are 68 days left of 2019; only 68 days of this decade.

Isn’t it scary that two decades into the millennium, we have people out there whose minds seem to be stuck somewhere in the Stone Age – like this somebody called Mason Kelly. Presumably not his real name; or for his sake at least, I hope it isn’t.

“What’s this Mason Kelly done?” you may be wondering if you haven’t seen his enlightening post on Nse Ikpe-Etim’s Instagram.

This obnoxious excuse of a man commented on the actress’s birthday post, of all posts and wrote:
“Happy birthday… But the question is at 45, are you married?! If yes, are you with your husband? Is your marriage intact? Finally, did you have kids for your husband? If all these (sic) questions are fulfilled… meaning you’re a strong woman who found grace in the sight of God… but if you miss any of this (sic.) questions, meaning there are still issues ahead of you and the 45 is not worth celebrating.”


Kai! Imagine the effrontery. This sort of trolling on a post of a woman who had to make the agonising choice to undergo a hysterectomy as a result of Adenomyosis, a medical condition whereby the inner lining of the uterus breaks through the muscle wall of the uterus. The woman who also spoke courageously about her choice back in May and talked about the effect of online trolling about her childlessness.

Sadly, Nse is not the only one in the firing line in this whacky world of womb-watchers. In the words of Shade Ladipo, “Many are roaming, most are mad.”

I am no sociologist, but I believe a country’s progress goes hand in hand with how well its women are treated.

Consider Nordic countries with high levels of contentment, social equality and GDP; women are given equal opportunities in all walks of life. Consider parts of Africa, Asia, and the Middle East; women are being treated as slaves, second class citizens, their husbands’ or fathers’ properties, verbally and physically abused, harassed, raped, sold for sex, shot in the face for wanting an education, killed for marrying without family approval. All in 2019, three months away from the next decade of this millennium.

According to this charlatan, and many of his kind, the weight, and breadth of any woman’s accomplishment, worth or “grace in the sight of God” is confined to her ability in finding a husband, keeping him and giving him children. If a woman can’t tick off any of these so-called accomplishments, her birthday, her mere existence is not worth celebrating. And to think this fool was born by a woman. He may even find a woman someday, get married, and sadly for humankind, have children, maybe even a daughter whose accomplishments he will measure with the same yardstick.
Do you feel your heart sinking as I do?


Recently a friend who is a second-generation Pakistani born and raised in the UK lamented the fact that, even though she had all the opportunities her peers had, her family’s aspirations for her didn’t go beyond her becoming a doctor’s or a lawyer’s wife. She laughed at how she disappointed them, even more, when she turned up at their doorstep with her Caribbean husband to be who was neither a doctor nor a lawyer, nor Pakistani to make matters worse. Joking aside, she lamented the fact that had she been raised with the aspirations to become a doctor rather than a doctor’s wife or a lawyer, rather than a lawyer’s wife, she could have made much more of her life.

Another friend, who is the second-generation Caribbean, mused at how her dad had insisted on her taking a home-making course.

If such attitudes persist in pockets in what constitutes the First World, imagine the sort of attitude that still festers in the so-called Third World?

I thank God daily to have had the parents that I was fortunate to have – a mum that taught me daily to push the boundaries of what’s possible, and pushed the bar that little bit higher as soon as I was getting closer to reach it; a dad who never made me feel less than a boy and made me believe I could be whatever I wanted to be and achieve whatever I set my mind to.

I thank God daily I am married to a man who doesn’t think my worth is tarnished by the fact that I haven’t yet given him children.

For any woman not fortunate enough to be given that head starts in life to aspire to greatness in any lane they choose to pursue, I’d like to share the wisdom of a blogger who vented on this post:

“Dear girl child, marriage and having kids are neither what defines your worth nor your purpose on earth.”


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