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The first step…


PHOTO: Crosswalk

This is actually an experience that someone shared with me. Enjoy… “The major thing that worries me is the amount of psychological DAMAGE that a lot of people here carry around.

From the young man who denies his marital status at the drop of a hat, just to get in between the legs of a girl, to the ‘educated’ girl who gets MAD because she met a man that respected her enough not to initiate sexual act on their first interaction.     .

I once gave a young lady a lift because we were headed in the same direction. When she realised where I was headed to, she told me that she knew someone in that neighbourhood.


She mentioned a name that I know so well (a professional in his prime) and actually broke down in tears, afterwards.

According to her, when they became involved, he told her that he was looking for ‘true love’.

She probably relaxed her guard but when she fell pregnant and gave him the situation report…his story changed.

He told her that she can’t be pregnant because he had an “accident” on his scrotum which would make impregnating any girl impossible. He also went as far as claiming that he was married…before rudely dismissing her.

I couldn’t admit to her that I know this person very well and none of those claims is near true. He is very much single and in good health. But I guess he has various “lyrics” for dismissing different girls.

I gave her some money to go sort herself out and admonished her to think through her choices next time.

It was not lost on me that if I had made my own moves…she would most likely give in.

Here, people use more mistakes to address rotten situations that only require “a clear head” to fix.

It is not HOPE that dictates the actions of most people here, it is desperation and vulnerability.

I was introduced to a lady (for marriage) sometime back. We began to communicate and I actually fell for her charming personality.

Come the day that she came over, we talked all through the night and I kept noticing her discomfort at my having not made sexual moves at her.


In no time, she voiced her feelings and I explained that we were still getting to know ourselves and I just wanted us to talk and connect on deeper levels, besides sex.

This lady took my response to mean REJECTION and actually began to act like a wounded lioness. I never stopped wondering what would have become of a situation where I actually did “the deed” and fail to go further with the relationship.

She did apologise for her reaction though, claiming that she had never met any man who treated her with such decency.

Here, a lot of people have become so psychologically damaged that your goodness can actually make you an enemy. And decency made to look “old fashioned.”

Is it my experience with some so called career ladies, who give the impression that there is no vacancy in their “busy” lives for any man that is not willing to fit into their convenience?

These set of ladies make it all shades of HARD (through their ATTITUDE) for a man to love them but if you dare stick around enough, you will end up with the most desperate, insecure and needy person in your hands.

Life here is complex but only because the attitude of the people makes it needlessly so. A lot of ladies believe that communicating their true desire is cheapening themselves.

So they do the “opposite” and expect you fix the puzzle.
Unhealthy relationships all over because the individuals involved are not emotionally wholesome.’’

My advice is for people to start the journey of emotional wholesomeness with BEING TRUE TO SELF as the first step.

There is so much self deception here and matters of the heart (friendships, relationships/marriages and…even businesses) are worse for it.

Halt the rat race for “love” and begin, instead, the process of undamaging yourself…through the choices you make daily.
Read self-help books.

Go for counseling.

Take daily shots at “goodness” of attitude and positive thinking.

I don’t ask people here to treat others the way they want to be treated because a lot of them don’t even treat themselves right. And don’t know when they are being treated “unrigh.”

High time we understood that deceiving anybody to have your way (at their expense) actually spells “a sickness of the mind” and NOT “smartness.”

You don’t need to PLAY anybody to have your way, you only need to find who wants what you want or who can accommodate your desire, at least.

I don’t know anybody who lived by hurting others and his/her story ended well!

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