‘The idea of parenting Is not to raise your carbon copy, but to raise a wholesome child’ – Bukola Lameed

Bukola Lameed, fondly called “Bookkies” is an incredible blend of passion and skill. Professional Counselor, Certified Cognitive Behavioural Change Therapist and one of Africa’s leading Family Mental Health Coach. The founder of Safety Republic International whose job is to create solutions for preserving the mental and emotional wellness of every member of a nation (the family), helps influence the best behaviour and happiness through Training, Coaching, Therapy, and Advocacy.

The wonderful coach who has helped so many parents, especially moms understands the full scope of parenthood shares her inspiring story and journey with me in this interview.

Childhood Influence
I GREW up in the midst of boys, 4 of them. So I have the premonition of what the society term Masculinity. I am the 5th child the 1st girl in a family of 8. Growing up for me was very adventurous and exciting, my childhood experiences were a little different from a normal girl child, I was raised to be very indulged, never did house chores, never ran errands, no thanks to my dad (R. I.P).

Inspiration behind the Safety Republic
The inspiration came from a place of helplessness and clueless ness to curiosity. If I didn’t know anything I knew I didn’t want to raise my children the way I was raised. I knew there was more to parenting than what I knew then. So I began to search for answers first on how to raise my children well. Moreso I have a deep passion to protect children because I wasn’t protected as a child, I decided to join and learn from several social groups that focus on children. Then I discovered there’s a lot to learn, unlearn and relearn not only to raise my children but for every precious child. I realised beyond passion skill is required.

Parental Influence on a Child’s Mental Health
As an expert in the field of family mental and emotional health, child protection and safety, I have discovered that children are the reflection of the adults around them, as a child handler you have to be mentally and emotionally stable before you can raise a mentally and emotionally stable child, who would also transit into becoming a stable adult and the cycle continues. I realise that whoever we are as a child is who we become as an adult. So as parents (primary and secondary caregivers) we must consciously begin to preserve childhood experiences by first ensuring we intentionally unlearn some unhealthy narratives first about ourselves as adults and about our parenting roles and responsibilities.

Modern day Parenting & Social Media
Personally I believe that there is nothing like modern-day parenting, parenting should still remain the same regardless of the century but the methods in achieving the desired results are what should be updated, just like how a car company would upgrade the features of a car brand, its still the same brand but they keep reviewing the systems and features for it to be relevant to what is obtainable at that period.

Challenges of being a Mental Health Advocate
Doing this work in its own is challenging, one of the many challenges we encounter is the ability to make adults unlearn certain conditioned belief systems and unhealthy behaviours learned from the environment, culture and religion that had greatly affected and limited the benefits of living wholesome life…

Effect on broken Marriages on Kids
One of the many behavioural challenges children is facing came from the fact that they experienced their parent’s broken marriages. Adverse childhood experiences are a major factor every family should consider whenever they are making their decisions either to stick together or go their separate ways. Adults must begin to embrace therapy and seek professional counsel for both themselves and their children in order to make their decisions (divorce) easy on their children.

Being a Woman of Rubies
Looking at the meaning of Rubies is exactly who I have always seen myself to be “a priceless precious jewel, passionate, powerful, pretty, and fierce, once in a life time kind of woman”. I am a Woman of Rubies

Parenting Nuggets
Parenting is an ART, you must learn it… you must first parent yourself before you can parent a child.

A child is a unique product that comes with his own unique user’s manual, that must be read and understood in order to get it working at it’s best!

As a parent you do not have the power to change a child, but you can learn the tools of influence.

Children’s vulnerability is adults responsibility, children are not vulnerable when adults are responsible enough to parent them well.

Finally, the idea of parenting is not to raise your carbon copy, but to raise a wholesome child who can make his or her own mistakes and create experiences to become his own unique self.