The key to your happiness…

Below is the message that a lady sent to me recently, and my response to her. “I just need your opinion.

I am a 33-year-old lady and married to a man of 49 years.

We are blessed with four children. I am a hard-working woman with a thriving business.

I also contribute well at home.

My husband works in the banking sector. Our marriage has reached a point where I have lost all respect and trust for my husband.

Ever since we married in 2004, he has never stopped having extra-marital affairs.

“Whenever I catch him by checking his phone, he will deny but he keeps going back.

Sometimes he will claim that the girls get his phone number without his permission and usually make the advances.

Five years ago he slept with a girl in his car and forgot to remove the evidence; that was the only time he accepted after denying and playing victim for three weeks.

Because of all the heartbreaks, I stopped checking his phone and was hoping he would change but two weeks ago, I was using his laptop to check my email when I found out his Face book account was signed in.

He tried to log out when I asked that he unlock for me to use since he pass-worded it. I was curious so I read his messages. But within 10 minutes of doing so, I was shaking and couldn’t believe what I saw.

“He had lots of girlfriends and he even travelled to a resort with one and I am yet to do any holiday with him because of hard economic times.

I was so depressed that I was finding difficulty in moving on with my life.

I had to confront him but, as usual, he started playing the victim claiming he is just having fun, chatting with them and doing dirty talks but nothing more.

I know he was lying because I read otherwise from the messages. Personally, the marriage has lost its salt for me but I don’t want to separate because of infidelity.

I want to find a way to cope with it. So I am asking for advice on how to live my life in joy and happiness, not minding that I am married to a man that has continued to cheat and lie to me for the past 10 years.

Right now I have cut off conjugal relationship and he’s been giving me the silence treatment, but I don’t mind. Please any advice on coping mechanism for a faithful wife in an unhappy marriage?’’

As always, my advice starts with the SELF… begin to look inwards first.

Contributing financially is not enough to make a marriage. How was your sex life? Your personal hygiene, etc?

Don’t sweat the small stuff if you have not been found wanting in your responsibilities.

It is better you focus your energy on self-development. Surround yourself with friends who uplift you.

Read books that challenge your understanding of life and relationships.

The BIBLE…I find peace in that book. When you feel overwhelmed (as a normal human being is bound to)…go on your knees.

Find your joy in your kids. Get bigger in your business ventures. Take up exercising and begin to socialize more (sensibly o).

Make efforts to eat healthy. Make more efforts with your looks…don’t carry one hairstyle ‘forever’.

Overhaul your wardrobe, too. Spend some of that money you make on yourself…it is your sweat!

Some ladies work so hard to cater for ‘family’, that they forget themselves in the process. Sometimes become selfish.

If you have not been using perfumes and deodorants…begin to use some. Good smell is a turn-on.

If another man says HI to you…say HELLO to him*winks*. You will begin to feel differently about yourself when you make the efforts (in your appearance) that get people (especially MEN) noticing you.

All these, I advise you to be doing for YOURSELF…not necessarily to make your wayward husband retrace his steps. Or to compete with his ladies …how many can you compete with?

Your goal should be to FIND YOURSELF AGAIN AND REJUVENATE YOUR WHOLE BEING.

Once you make YOU the project…dealing with his issues will be less daunting.

Sometimes, it is not what life throws at us that matters, but how we react to such.

When that man begins to see a new you, he may come around. Even at that…don’t stop rediscovering yourself.

It should be a life-long goal. If he decides to come back to his senses …insist he goes for a TEST.

Part of the bargain should also be that you both go away to TALK…even if it’s for a weekend.

Insist that he foots the bill of that GET-AWAY-to the last kobo!