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There’s life without the ‘Mrs’ title – Part 3

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This is the concluding part of this series and also my advice to the lady we read last week.

“Right now, I am just confused. I have always wished my marriage would stand the test of time.

But I don’t know if taking him back will be the right thing to do.

I really need your views on this matter, please. I am 44 years old this October. My husband and I are within the same age bracket. I am from the South-South while he is from the South West. Thank you for what you do.’’

FROM OBY:
Dear Sister,
Whatever you do…please do NOT (ever again!) enable the setting that nearly cost you your peace and sanity.

In other words… don’t go back to the same place you lost your happiness. What that man did is what he would rather do if things were up to him.

Forget about his excuses!

Sometimes, people’s disposition, when they have limited options, doesn’t really count much to me.

What speaks to my spirit is how they had rather behave when they have all the aces.

I really don’t understand the cause of your confusion here. Is there any other way God would expose the charade you called marriage to you?

What the heck is wrong with some of us women!

To think that you are even allowing this to come up for discussion is more worrisome to me.

If that job had worked out, would he have looked your way again? You went all the way to the UK to inherit an EFULEFU (a liability) …it is not as if there are no correct men down here o.

Being the second wife of a decent, hard-working man (if you must answer an MRS) is even better than this STRESS you find yourself in.

Ladies should understand that a man who is worth it isn’t the one you meet doing NOTHING-as regards his livelihood. The right man is that man you meet MAKING SOME EFFORTS…no matter how small.

The right man allows himself to start small… and not fold arms to be rescued by a “marriage” to a woman that wants to answer MRS at all cost…because he knows that he is headed to something big.

But the one you start from Day one to feed, clothe, house and even buy recharge card for…the end stories are most often the same. If he had anything to offer you would have met him either making a life for himself or most likely not unavailable.

Before “you can’t believe your luck” with some of these men, you had better take into consideration the baggage that follows. This one doesn’t even have a conscience. He knows you are undergoing IVF and needs his support but he was ready to send it all to hell.

And here you are …getting CONFUSED? Honestly, if I were in your shoes…I had bid him “good luck” with his future endeavours and continue on my healing journey.

Even if you are to take him back, believe me, you will always sleep with one eye closed around him and that’s no marriage. Let him find his way from wherever he is right now and you face your front also. You are already on your healing journey…you may not be able to piece yourself together with this fast if he hits you again.

Respectfully explain yourself to the father and whoever else he is sending to beg you. Get used to his absence. Keep working at your healing. Overcome your brokenness. Take every day as it comes. Every relationship must not lead to marriage but learn to SAVOUR the good ones that come your way. Your UK guy is a mistake that is best forgotten like yesterday.

Life holds much more for us… if we let ourselves embrace that possibility. Consider this whole nightmare as a NEW DAWN for you. And begin to live this new lease of life accordingly.

As a society, Let’s start with curbing the excessive pressure on ladies to seek the MRS title. When you ask a woman ‘’how old are you’’ with the aim of finding out why she is not yet married at her age…you are part of the problem.

Or when you go “ticking biological clock” at a woman who tells you her age. These are part of the issues that push ladies into unwholesome relationship settings, because someone will always consider her age…before even bothering with the rest of her issues.

As much as we encourage responsibility towards individual action and inaction, we as a society also have a role to play in being less judgmental and “one-way traffic” on life’s issues…especially as it concerns a woman’s life.

A woman’s age or marital status is NOT as important as her overall wellbeing!


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