Things that ruin good relationships

Relationships require hard work most of the time, especially the good ones. Most people go into relationships with good intentions. They want to find someone to love for the long haul. Sadly, however, a lot of relationships fall apart. Most of those reasons are obvious, such as cheating and abuse.

There are other behaviors that destroy relationships too. The kind of behaviors listed below show themselves more slowly and erode relationships over time. These are things that even good people do, especially as relationships progress. You might be doing some of these things without even realizing how harmful they are. Or, you might be noticing them out of your partner.

Neediness
While no one is truly independent, and any relationship involves a degree of interdependence, neediness is never attractive and too much of it can destroy a relationship. Neediness is the constant desire for validation, time, and attention beyond what should be expected of a normal relationship.
If one partner is especially needy, it can turn the relationship from a joy into a chore. Having to always feel like you’re supporting the emotional needs of another person can cause the more independent partner to feel resentful. In the long run, neediness often turns into co-dependence, which can lead to a very unhealthy relationships.

If you find yourself being extra needy, realize that it might be very frustrating to your partner. Most people have their own problems and issues. And, while you should expect the person you love to care about you and help you, no other human being can be responsible for your own emotional happiness.

If you are too needy, it’s probably best to find ways to occupy your time that don’t involve the other person: friends, family, hobbies, etc. If your partner is too needy, then you might want to encourage him or her to get more of a life (in a nice way, of course).

Controlling
I knew a guy who insisted on having the passwords to his girlfriend’s social media accounts. I also knew a woman who would interrogate her husband about every heart he received from a female on an Instagram photo. Funny but true.

The best relationships are built on trust. While trust is sometimes broken and needs to be reestablished, controlling behavior is never positive. Usually efforts at control occur gradually. Very few relationships begin with a partner trying to control the other person’s every move. But, keep an eye out for an increase in this type of behavior, especially in yourself.

Controlling relationships are stressful for both parties and two things are guaranteed in these relationships: The person being controlled is usually a mental mess and the person doing the controlling is usually driven by stress, anxiety, and jealousy.

If you and/or your partner are controlling (yes, sometimes both parties are control freaks), then it is time to evaluate the relationship itself and maybe even end it. If the controlling party is unwilling to seek outside help or reign in his or her controlling feelings, then the best option is probably to move on and find a person you can fully trust (and who can fully trust you).

Not Making The Relationship A Priority
We are all familiar with the phrase “married to your job.” However, in reality, people can have numerous things that they put before their partner in a relationship. Especially in a long-term, committed relationship, it is crucial that both parties make the relationship a priority, and generally give it the same priority as their partner.

If you truly value the relationship, or having a relationship in general, you must give it the time and attention it deserves. That means that you aren’t married to your job, a video game, football, the gym, or anything else to the point that you are neglecting the work that goes into a relationship.

A person doesn’t want to fall into neediness either, so it is a balance. But, anything we value is given a high priority. And, if you and your partner want the relationship to work, it must be given an equal or greater value than other aspects of your life. You can’t put a relationship on the back burner and expect it to be successful.

Settling
The feeling of first being in love is great. That great feeling is actually a product of brain chemistry and biologically speaking, it fades. However, any relationship that becomes too boring and too settled is likely doomed to fail.

Since settling is our brain’s default option after about two years, it actually takes work to keep excitement in the relationship. So, if you find yourself settling, such as staying home all the time, neglecting your health and appearance, or ceasing to try new things, then it’s time to inject fun activities, positive self-development, and romance into your life as a couple.

Any relationship can stay fresh with work. But, it usually takes a coordinated effort from both parties, especially if you have been together for a long time and have children. But, don’t neglect this. Most relationships ultimately fall apart from settling since other factors (like cheating) tend to result from one or both persons having settled long ago.

So, while many things can destroy a relationship, these four behaviors can play a major role. Fortunately, these behaviors can be stopped and the relationship can be put back on the right path.

To our happiness. Cheers.