Towards a ‘solid’ marriage…
Some research have actually lent credence to what I consider “my thoughts exactly” on certain issues bordering on matrimony.
They are said to enhance the successful outcome of marriages and I have given my own thoughts on each of the issues raised.
. Postpone children until after marriage
From OBY: Except it’s a genuine mistake, which the two of you are prepared to face. Using pregnancy to trap another into marriage does boomerang. And having kids with each other (before marriage) will not guarantee a successful marriage. We all know that when the centre can no longer hold…even kids are not enough to keep it together.
Marry at an older age (not younger than 22 to 25 years)
I thought I was the only one who frowns at early marriage. My question is usually WHY THE RUSH? YOU HAVE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE TO EXPERIENCE MARRIAGE BUT UNTIL THEN…GET A LIFE FIRST!
I feel so too-especially after once experiencing the cat and mouse relationship between a cousin and his University girlfriend then-at their off campus quarters. When they have one of their fights-he throws her things out and asks her to go back to her own place. Again, why the rush? A more respectable arrangement is to visit each other when you can and go back to your respective homes-until the final deed. Of course, you can plan to be together on weekends. A little bit of space keeps things “more appealing”-if you ask me.
Get a higher education
Well, one may argue that AFTERALL, MOST OF OUR PARENTS DIDN’T GET ONE, but fact still remains that TIMES HAVE CHANGED! Whatever will enhance your earning power and chances of understanding our world better, please do. These days, a special attention is paid to the total package …such that one hears stuffs like how educated is he/she-before where is he/she from?
Have an adequate income before marrying
I need not say more…at least to those who think that seeking a WORKING CLASS LADY/MATURE MAN is all there is to a marriage. It is no longer enough to seek a MEAL TICKET IN A PARTNER. Making concerted efforts to find your feet economically will go a long way in determining the outcome of a marriage. If it happens that you were not yet on your feet economically before getting married…make that (finding your feet-economically) one of your top priorities while in that marriage.
I mean, people don’t want liabilities anymore.
As much as you can help things…add value to yourself!
On “soul mate”…according to research, everybody has just one soul mate-in life,’’ claimed somebody at a discussion, recently.
It used to be claimed that when you have been involved with a lot of people of the opposite sex, but you just notice that there’s someone in particular that affects/affected you much more than anyone you have known so far and a deep search within you will turn up the possibility that you never really stopped loving one another-even though the events of life have taken you on different directions.
A recent research, however, countered that we (as human beings) are made to love over and over again, and that explains why it is possible for one to actually love another person-after a bereavement, divorce, relocation etc. That if the one soul mates in life theory holds, it means people won’t be falling in love again-after certain unpleasant circumstances in their lives. She concluded that it’s possible for human beings to fall in love over and over again and nothing makes one incident more special than the other. She also contends that you can even claim that someone is your soul mate, only for you guys to re-unite after a while and realise that you have absolutely nothing in common again-yet that’s someone that you did not seem capable of living without-at a point.
Further research had more to say on the issue: “There is a connection between seeking a soul-mate and lifelong singlehood. A soul mate means a person who is exactly right for you, with whom you have perfect chemistry. The relationship feels ‘meant to be’. In theory, the concept is terrific but searching for a soul-mate is not helpful. It’s dysfunctional. It compounds loneliness. Anyone has hundreds of potential marriage partners. It’s a terrible idea to look for a perfect match-he does not exist.”
‘’ The concept of soul mate implies that you can’t achieve perfection without uniting with another person. But each of us is whole in and of him/her-self. What people really want is a loving, harmonious, passionate relationship. There are many people at this time on earth that you can have a meaningful connection with. We make ourselves unhappy by believing in one soul mate-who doesn’t exist!”
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