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Toy not with depression


IMAGE CREDIT: Melanie Wasser

The message that I received recently from a lady brings to mind a friend’s view on women and depression.

He said: “Depression has become a blackmailing tool for a number of ladies who don’t even understand the meaning of the word. One moment of sadness and not having their way… they claim depression.’’

Her message …
“We’ve been married for seven years now and have two kids. My husband is a businessman and travels a lot… the reason we agreed I don’t work yet so I can take care of the children till they are older.


“We have been trying to get me a federal government job for a while now. Each time I bring up the job issue, my husband asks for a copy of my CV to give to his contacts, but I stumbled on all my CVs he’s been collecting somewhere in his car! When I confronted him, he claimed he doesn’t really need a CV to get me a job.

“Then, I started an online business. My husband told me to stop it because it’s risky and that he was going to talk to someone right away for a job slot he heard about. I was elated and gladly slowed down on the business.

“Barely a week after, I was called to come to get my appointment letter in a Federal government agency. The agreement was for him to pay a certain amount but he couldn’t come up with the said sum. He wanted to sell a property but had to fix some things to make a tidy profit.

“I suggested he gets a loan using his car as collateral pending when the property is fixed. My husband would leave home very early and return late …claiming to look for a loan.

“This continued until the letter was taken back, I became ill and fell into depression. When I got better, I continued the online business but I suffered a loss of over a 100K.


And now I’m scared to continue.

“I feel particularly worse because I have my widowed mum to take care of as the eldest of five children (all females) … all graduates with none gainfully employed.

“Please advise. I am 33 years old.’’

I agree that you need a job but one needs to be reasonable in how they push for certain things.

If your husband has a property to sell, why haven’t you thought of using part of the proceeds to establish yourself?

You are not tired (yet!) of staying idle if you are not willing to start from learning a skill, going back to school or establishing a small-scale business. Nobody who wants to take her destiny into her own hands idles away on the expectation of a “Federal job”.

You are not even giving your husband enough choices here. Must it be a Federal job?
Nigeria is in trouble with this mindset that we all have. A federal job that drops an appointment letter on your laps! No job interviews, no tests, no competency assessment?

At this age, your drive shouldn’t be to just get a job. Have you actually sat down to identify your passion? Can you do something along that line? Do you possess the requisite skills?

Depression sometimes doesn’t have to do with you not working, but an inability to pursue your passion! Our situations are not as hopeless as our minds make them.

Encourage your sisters to go for skill acquisitions. In Nigeria of today, it is no longer enough to be a graduate. I see a lot of young people around me and they are boldly taking their destiny into their own hands…acquiring different skills and pursuing their passion.

Are your sisters all folding arms for a Federal job, too? Imagine the stress you are letting this bring upon yourself!

What you should have done though, which I think is still not late is this…

When your husband came up with the idea of you staying home, you should have negotiated for a monthly allowance for yourself. From that…you can always sort your mum out. Men that “understand” don’t have issues with taking care of a mother-in-law.

Address this concern of yours with your husband, please. Can he begin to send a little something to your mum on a monthly basis while you figure out what to do with yourself?

As for the online business… my surprise would have been if it didn’t turn out exactly the way it did at the end of the day. Most of them are not reliable.

Finally, no reasonable woman will encourage the husband to sell a property to bribe for a Federal job. Nothing done out of desperation turns out right.

Sit through your circumstances and identify ways you can take your destiny into your own hands.


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