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Uncomfortable relationship truths…


It’s no surprise that everyone is primarily in a relationship for themselves and, as such, a lot of the “stress” that are experienced in relationships are because things aren’t going the way one prefers them.

Hasn’t it been said that an average person is plain selfish?

However, there are certain relationship truths that we often forget; probably because they seem a rather uncomfortable truth with regards to the SELF tag that we all wear into relationships.

How you handle your affairs with others is actually a testament to the kind of relationship you have with yourself. It is said that one can only meet others as deeply as they have met themselves. For example, deception is a sign of someone who is running away from WHO they are and thus, they have to employ the mask of deception to relate. Aggression in anybody portrays unhealed damaged. Unforgiveness denotes a soul who doesn’t feel worthy within.


So, there is always an element of how deeply you have met yourself in your relationships with others. A soul who has worked on the self isn’t less than “whole” with others. Even when mistakes are made, they are from the place of genuineness and NEVER deliberate mistreatment or deception.

Relationships don’t just happen, or maintain themselves. They exist and thrive when the parties involved WORK on them decidedly, devotedly and deliberately. One leg in/out isn’t for a relationship that you want to see succeed. And I think this is the bane of modern relationships.

There are so many distractions that people who have GOLD either don’t realise it or are not making enough efforts to keep it.

If you want love, give love. If you want friends, be friendly. If you’d like to feel understood, try being more understanding. In a nutshell, be that someone you had like to meet (and tarry with)…always putting yourself in the shoes of the other is the easiest way to give your best shot in a relationship

Never compel someone to make a space in their life for you. I have long learned that if you matter to someone, they will make the EFFORTS and will never leave you in doubt of your place in their lives.

Our needs change with time. That is, we all outgrow moments. And whoever wishes to be happy in life should be mindful of this. Sometimes, the relationship has to end because the parties no longer fit into each other’s emotional needs. Problem is that the reality is a bitter pill that feels like plain rejection. And most people don’t take it well.

A lot of the times that people seek relationships are actually when they don’t need one but we have grown too emotionally weak to look inwards. It’s easier to fill up every void with “people”!

If your relationship with yourself isn’t working, don’t expect your other relationships to be any different. Nobody else in this world can make you happy. It’s something you have to do on your own. And you have to create your own happiness first before you can share it with someone else. If you feel that it’s always your partner’s fault, try looking within yourself to find out what piece is missing. Your partner can never “complete” you because you are already whole. The longing for completion that you feel inside comes from being out of touch with who you are. The idea is to be complete enough (on your own) to share your wholeness with another.

Instead of trying to change others, give them your support and lead by example. If there’s a specific behaviour someone you love has that you’re hoping disappears over time, it probably won’t. As much as you support a beloved into becoming a better version of themselves, it is pertinent that you walk away with this…most times in a relationship, TOLERANCE will get you through sticky moments.

At the end of the day, your mindset is what actually determines how much issues affect you.

However, if someone continuously mistreats you or pushes you in the wrong direction, it is emotionally healthy to walk away. It may hurt for a while, but you will be okay, and far better off in the long run. Nobody functions at their optimum by sticking to emotional abuse.

Finally, learn to honour your important relationships every chance you get. Everyday you have the opportunity to make your relationship deeper by making efforts to show your appreciation and affection.

People don’t live forever. Appreciate what you have, who loves you and those that care for you. You’ll never know how much they mean to you until the day they are no longer beside you.

Yet, there’s always that possibility that you would do all these (and more) and the relationship still won’t sail!


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Chukwuneta Oby
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