When He’s Having An Affair

THE universal thing women say about men is that they cheat. Am I right? Thing is we all cheat at some point but in this newsletter, we’ll be talking about men, cheating. So have you ever dated a man who cheated on you? Has your heart ever been broken when you found out that the man who says he loves you has been secretly talking with other women?

I want to share with you a story I heard, about a woman who had problems with her Husband. Her name is Grace. The man had an emotional affair, leaving her at a loss as to how to repair her marriage. Her husband of 20 years and her are living in two different countries at the moment. Up until a few months ago he had always been a wonderful, loving husband. Her marriage wasn’t perfect, but they were happy.

Then she found out that he had an emotional affair. Since she found out, she’s been feeling hurt and confused and not to mention highly stressed-out. she hadn’t been sleeping or eating, and had lost a lot of weight. He said to her that he will find himself again and fix their marriage. She didnt know how to handle all of this. Since finding out about his affair, she has been a mess. He is always angry and has been shouting a lot, and is overly sensitive, she says. ‘I don’t know how to get him to calm down and stop treating me as though it’s all my fault. It has been like my own personal hell. Even after all of this, I still love him. I don’t want to throw away 20 years of marriage, but I’m not sure we can fix it either’’.

Hmmm. It’s obvious and so plain to see that she is in a lot of pain right now, which is entirely understandable. It makes me wish I could be there to give her a big hug. I’m sure she could use it! When your man is unfaithful, it’s one of the worst feelings in the world. It’s easy to blame yourself and question whether or not you did something to cause them to cheat. And so you need to stop feeling that way because its not your fault. You didn’t make the decision to cheat he did. By no means is this a reflection on you, but it is on him. Unfortunately, for men, the temptation to cheat is always there. For a strong man, it’s no problem. No matter the temptation a strong man will stay faithful, always. However, weaker men often give in to that temptation. But of course, this is by no means an excuse.

Cheating is wrong regardless of the circumstances. Her husband getting angry with her can’t be easy. It can leave her feeling even more so that she is to blame. I’m willing to wager he’s more angry with himself than with her. It’s actually easier to take your anger out on others than on yourself, after all. Have you ever seen a man yelling angrily at himself? Ofcourse not.

So you’d probably think he needs a psychologist! So again, people tend to project their anger at themselves onto the people around them. It’s not fair to her or any woman for that matter. But sadly, that’s the way it is. It doesn’t matter if the affair is emotional or physical. Either one is just as damaging to a relationship.

Too often people discount emotional cheating as a “minor” problem. But if you ever caught your man in an emotional affair, then you know all too well just how major the pain can be! My advice is the same, whether you are dealing with a cheating husband or boyfriend. First you have to decide if saving the relationship is what you really want.

Many people can’t get past the thought of being cheated on. And those who have gotten over being cheated on will tell you it’s not an easy road! Getting past any betrayal is never easy. But the good news is if you want it, then it is possible. You can get past the hurt. You can save your relationship! The first thing I’ll recommend is to pull away a little. Keep living your life. Don’t add any more pressure than your man is already under.

And if he needs you, then be there for him. He is your husband after all! Nagging, complaining, and making accusations will only make the situation worse. These will only lead to more yelling and fighting which never makes things better.

I do recommend you catch him in the mood to listen, and sit down and have a talk with him. Explain to him how his emotional affair affected you. Don’t put him down and make him feel bad. Focus instead on your own feelings, because otherwise it will lead to more accusations and more fighting. Pull away and make him see what it is that he stands to lose. Let him figure out that his cheating could cost him you, a loyal, loving, and incredible once-in-a-lifetime kind of woman.

Make him do the work to save your relationship. You did nothing wrong! Therefore it is not your job to fix the problem. He made the mistake, so he needs to find a way to fix that mistake. It’s as simple as that. Your job is to make it easier for him to fix the problem, not harder! Chances are after 20 years of marriage, you may need a sort of “refresher course” on how to keep the relationship’s fire burning over the decades. So I would say to Grace to allow her man work hard to make the relationship good again. It’s his job, not hers. But do be there when he needs your support! Finding happiness is a dream we all share, so let’s get there together!

Much of the advice I share isn’t strictly for boyfriends. Whether you are only dating or if you are married, the same basic rules of attraction apply. The problems happen when we try to break those rules, or when we try to make our own rules! That’s why it’s always a good idea to know the fundamentals of keeping a loving relationship going over the years.

Until next time, remember: If he broke the relationship, it’s his job to fix it. But when he needs you, be there to help him out. And if he doesn’t man up and take responsibility for his infidelity, then the solution is simple: Pack up, leave, and find the happiness you deserve elsewhere! Am I right or am I right?
Do have a wonderful valentine with the one you love and not the one who deceives you. To your happiness. Cheers.