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When it is time to move on

By Kemi Amushan
18 June 2016   |   1:31 am
A lot of times we want the relationship we are in to work out but no matter how hard we try, it just doesn’t. You might have met the guy of your dreams who you crushed on like no other and then you two actually start dating.

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A lot of times we want the relationship we are in to work out but no matter how hard we try, it just doesn’t. You might have met the guy of your dreams who you crushed on like no other and then you two actually start dating. At first, it seemed as though life couldn’t get any better. He had a great smile, a sexy voice, and a fabulous personality. Everything you ever wanted in a man. But for whatever reason, he sucks at relationships.

Then the feeling of frustration sets in when you don’t get what you hope for. It gets tiring when it feels as though you’re the only one making an effort. You arrange all the dates or outings, make all the compromises, and try to keep the communication lines wide open while all he can do is grunt, yawn, pick his nose, scratch his head and complain about every little thing and then there is the whole secretive cell phone issue; like why does he always have his phone on airplane mode? Hmmm.

That’s very suspicious. So what do you do? Do you try to change him? Stick things out? Or do you call it quits? Before you make any decision, checkout these signs and if you notice your man doing them, then its time to move on.

Lack Of Emotion
Okay, so most guys don’t tear up like we do at the end of a very romantic/sad movie but it doesn’t mean they’re totally heartless. However, if your man seems incapable of showing any emotion in any situation, it might be a warning sign that he’s really not worth any more of your time. Guys who are invested in a relationship will show it with their emotions. He’ll smile with you, laugh with you, cry with you, tell you he loves you, let you know that he misses you and all that jazz.

If, however, he really doesn’t give a fig, he’ll yawn more than he laughs and look sullen more than he looks happy. Even when you open up to him and that isn’t fun at all. And seriously ladies, is that something even worth trying to change? Heck. No.

He Doesn’t Prioritize You
We know how it is. You’re prepared to make compromises in order to spend time together. You try to finish work earlier and organize meetings with friends and family keeping him in mind but the problem is, you’re not feeling this kind of valiant effort from your man.

Whenever you ask him to be a little flexible and change his plans because you’ve got a couple of free hours, he just sighs and complains that he’s got a lot of work to do.You should be a priority in your man’s life. If you’re not, you might want to reconsider where this is going.

You Find It Hard To Trust Him
Trust is, of course, super important in any relationship. It’s the foundation from which everything else is built. If there is no trust, there is very little substance. Instead, there is a lot of fear, paranoia and way more questions than answers. If you don’t trust the man you’re in a relationship with, alarm bells should be ringing. If he can’t tell you who he just got off the phone with without stumbling or asking “Is this who wants to be a millionaire show or something?” you should take it as a hint that he’s either up to something shady, or he doesn’t want you to share everything he’s got in his life. Which totally sucks.

He Doesn’t Invest In The Relationship
If we only invest around 20% of our time in a relationship, it isn’t really a relationship at all. It’s barely even a friendship. Sometimes it can feel like a relationship because you’re investing 100% of what you’ve got, while he’s still investing 20%. The remaining 80% is devoted to his work, his car, and his best friend who eats and drinks too much food when he comes around.

If this is what it feels like right now in your relationship, he’s really not worth it. Guys who invest so little of themselves in you are usually unprepared to change. They might enjoy the fact that you’re doing all the hard work, but at the end of the day you’re just wasting your time. A relationship should be an equal effort between two people.

He Doesn’t Want To Talk About The Future
Each time you try to direct the topic of conversation onto the future, he’s always got a reason to divert the chat elsewhere. “Can’t you see I’m busy?” he asks while watching a football game or something. Eventually, there comes a time when two people in a relationship need to discuss their future plans. If he’s constantly putting it off because “there’s just too much going on right now,” you should definitely think about whether there is a future at all here.

He Doesn’t Communicate
A relationship is worth nothing without solid communication. If you’re constantly having to repeat yourself because he never listens, or if he never ever asks you any questions but instead lets you do all the talking while he tries to watch sports, you can take it as a warning that you may well be better off with someone else.

The very least we expect from our partner is communication. We want to establish a connection with them, and we want them to listen to us, talk to us, give us their advice and just generally be there for us. If he can’t even do the bare minimum, he’s so not worth it. Trust me.

You Don’t Like Him
Sure, there is a difference between like, love, lust and just about any other word starting with “L”. But if you are going to invest in a relationship with someone you should at least like that person 80% of the time. Everyone has their off days, but if he has significantly more off days than on days, it might be time to say goodbye.

Don’t let the idea of “being back out on the market” or pure laziness stop you from ending a relationship that you know isn’t worth the effort or time to maintain. And don’t get stuck in the trap thinking that maybe you just need to add a little romance back in the equation to jazz it up. Because there aren’t enough flirty text messages in the world to reignite the flame of desire in a man that is not invested in you, or the relationship.

Both your time and your happiness are precious. Be vigilant on who you let in, and allow to stay in your life. Always. To our happiness. Cheers.

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